Our Adoption Story

Three years ago, my wife and I decided to start a family. It was the right time for both of us, and we wanted a child. Since we're a lesbian couple, we can't just have a child like most conventional couples. We turned to adoption. However, this isn't your typical happy adoption story. This is the side no one really likes to talk about.

The hardest thing about adoption is getting your hopes up, just to have them crushed. The hardest thing is taking down the baby's bed after you pictured tenderly laying them down after rocking them to sleep. Or, walking past the open door to their room on the day you were supposed to pick them up. Adoption can be a cruel game of who has more pull on their side, which ultimately you lose.

Our first candidate was named Lucy. She was a teenager in way over her head. We had the baby's room ready four days after we agreed on adoption. She changed her mind six days after we agreed on adoption. We were naïve then, getting prepared so early.

Our second candidate was named Laura. Laura and her boyfriend, Joe, were in a new relationship, and a baby was the last thing they wanted or needed. We met them at the hospital for the 20-week ultrasound. We were going to learn the gender, and we were just elated. Ten minutes later I was sobbing in the hallway after a look from the doctor's face that said it all, "I can't find the heartbeat."

"Lucky" number three was a lady named Maria. Her cousin was a friend of my wife's, and she got us in touch with her. This one was a little girl, and she was going to be born in four days. The mother was on her way to our town to have her, then stay with her cousin. She got stuck halfway and had the baby there. It turns out, the mother was on meth, and decided to run with the baby. Since we legally can't have any papers signed until the baby was born, there was nothing we could do.

Number four was named Talila. She was a single mother of two kids already, and just couldn't afford another baby. She changed her mind after we told her we would not buy the baby from her.

Number five was Marianne. Marianne had a six-month-old little girl, and just couldn't do it anymore. She wanted her daughter to have a better life than what she could give her. We were set to pick her up in a week and a half. We rejoiced on Facebook about our upcoming bundle of joy! This was finally a for sure thing! Marianne said her parents saw it on our completely private facebook and wanted her. She didn't already give her to her parents because of a clash in religion. So I, once again, sat in an empty nursery completely broken-hearted. It took me three hours just to take down the baby bed. It took me two weeks to answer people on why we didn't have the baby.

It's hard to remain hopeful when you've encountered nothing but sorrow. It's even harder to get excited when someone contacts us about adopting. What should be a joyous occasion is now months of anxiety. My one plea to whoever may be reading this, if you choose to consider adoption, if you're pregnant, please think your choice over very thoroughly before pursuing anything. If you're adopting, please keep your heart guarded until the day comes.