On My Way

I found myself thinking back on a lot of things pertaining to my relationship with my father. It wasn't always such a high strung relationship between us, we actually did get along and were very close when I was a lot younger. I needed that man more than I thought I did, and the years showed me that very clearly. This article is going to focus a lot on all of the good memories I had with him, moments not only I was proud of, but that made a huge impact on him. From Sporting events, to just relaxing with one another.

We'll start from the youngest days and work our way up, cool?

As an infant, I don't recall many things but I do have faint images from times that I've been reminded of over the years. There's pictures here and there of a time when me and dad would be cuddled up on the couch, napping. Most of those times we were just napping away the day, but there was no bad in it. It amazes me still to think that there really was a time where me and my dad were virtually inseparable. Saturday mornings were the best by far, Dad and I would wake up EXTRA early, grab a box of Scooby Snacks (Yes, dog treats) and we would sit in the living room and watch TV, sitting up against the front of the love seat. Back when Cartoon Network was Boomerang in the morning, and then Cartoon Network after noon. We would sit and talk, laugh and snack. Between Saturday morning Cartoons, and watching the hockey games through the years, we would end up polishing off an entire box of Scooby Snacks in a single weekend. Our dog Rex would also get a good handful every time we sat down, I can say those were probably some of the best moments anyone could have.

Over the years, things started to get a little more distant, but I tried to keep some kind of common ground. Saturday mornings didn't go off so easily, and I started noticing my brothers and their lives a little more. They were off doing BMX, and the both played Roller Hockey at one point too. I wanted to be like that so first it was BMX. I felt nothing and didn't realize how much more my dad had spent on me than the other boys. Because of my size and age group, I couldn't ride one of the bigger bikes, the bike that I did have was like $600 or so. It was a Haro Mini. Not that great for jumping but, it was definitely a fun little bike. Very lightweight, awkward to ride at times but, it was by far one of the coolest things I've owned. I'll own it though, I did complain A LOT to get there, but all in the same, well, I guess there's really no justification for that. I was a child, wanted to be like my brothers, that was all I knew on how to get what I wanted in that time.

As we've read, I did have epilepsy, so seizures were a real thing, and it was a lot more dangerous than I would have thought. Never had a seizure on the track, in fact, when I was out there, I found this zone of focus that only my dad seemed to be able to break when I saw him right up against the boarder of the track. It was like everything stopped, and there was a blur in everything that was in the building, except for dad. He stood out like a sore thumb, clear as day, in every detail. I didn't win all of the races, in fact, on the very first race I was so disappointed that I got 4th place, I rushed out to the van, loaded up my bike and cried my eyes out. My brothers were getting trophies and I wasn't. This nice lady came right out to the van and brought me a little plaque, like a consolation prize if you will. I didn't quite perk up as much, but it motivated me enough to keep trying. Dad had a little small talk after he got back with my brothers from picking up their trophies. All in all the motion was,

"Sometimes, you're gonna lose, other times, you'll win. It's when you stop trying that's going to hurt the most."

It may have not been in those exact words, but that's ultimately what I gained from it. I never quit, but when things turned into something I didn't want, didn't have drive for, I didn't want to stay involved. I saw BMX through to the end, the farm shut down after that season. Doctors appointments kind of picked up and took over for a while but, once things cooled down again, I got involved in Ice Hockey.

I started playing really young, and I loved it. The most memorable times I had in playing were later on when I joined the travel team. I was maybe 10-12 years old, and we killed in on the ice for 3 seasons straight. I played for about 4 years or so, in that time I played every position but, my favorite was when I became a goal tender.

Our travel team got pretty serious over time, I went off to goalie camp for a summer and came back a motherfucking legend. We got invited into a few tournaments over the course of the season, all very powerful games, but there were 2 games that really stuck and stuck HARD.

One of my favorites is from when I played ice hockey. It was a HUGE moment for my dad, and a very emotional one for my team. While, I did play all positions in hockey, mainly I favored goal tending; and I was damn good at it too. Anyway, it was in one of our bigger tournaments, we all fought perilously through the ranks and by the end of the run, we were invited to play a game at the Michigan State University hockey arena. I somehow managed to get sick the night before the game, wasn't terrible, but I was utterly exhausted about 3/4's way through the final period. It was a long, rough game. I wasn't letting anything past though. We'd come too far to let anything get in the way of our victory. In the final moments of the 3rd, we got a penalty shot against us right as the final few seconds were ticking down. I probably lost 5lb in sweat alone that night. Drained, physically and mentally, my vision was blurring as the forward approached the blue line to start his shot. I skated forward to keep a lock on him, still with extremely blurry vision, serious fatigue settled in as he began his shot. We weaved, and swayed with each other as he stick-handled the puck fiercely trying to deek me out. I saw him wind up and slip the wrist shot down. I closed my eyes and threw my glove out, hoping I was going to make the save, as we were so far out of the net that if it missed, there was nothing I could do. The rink went silent. Still, breathing heavy, fades of hard cheers started to pour in my ears. I looked into my glove, and found the puck. SCREAMING my lungs out as soon as I realized what was happening, I dropped to the ice, as my teammates piled on top of me in celebration. It was a good day. Not only did we win the tournament, but the final game was won in my dad's FAVORITE schools arena, and I MADE THE GAME WINING SAVE!

Another great hockey one was at the Joe Louis Arena. All same circumstances, minus the slight change in time and place. It was during the Lockout back when all the hockey teams were going on strike. Another tournament was in play and we all pushed our hardest to get there. It wasn't easy, but we made it. I'd taken more shots that night than I ever had before. I was worn down to the core, but I had to keep fighting. We killed it through the game, everyone was tired, anxious to get this game over, but unwilling to just let go and run the clock out. By the end of the game, I had successfully SHUT OUT the other team. I was so proud of what we accomplished I literally cried my eyes out. as I dropped to the ice, watching my team scream and cry just the same. All the greats played in the Joe, it was where all the big boys played REAL hockey. Having my dad in the stands screaming and cheering us on was a bonus at that point, but I knew inside of my soul, he was crying just as hard as we were.

Me and dad don't really see eye to eye on a lot of things, but we've come to the understanding that, we're not friends, I am his son, and he is my father. We don't talk much at all, and it's not going to change anytime soon. I have things I want to do with my life, hopefully one day I'll be able to give him the life he deserves because of those things, but, until I actually make that difference, I feel nothing is going to change between us and, for the most part...I'm pretty ok with it. I love my dad, and even though I'm fairly positive he's reached a point where it doesn't matter what happens with the rest of us, I will still continue to try and do something to brighten his future, even if my brothers intend on doing nothing but take advantage and pushing for me to collapse in on myself and give up. I will say that I have definitely learned a lot from this man, and I could never REALLY repay him for what he's done to keep things up for all of us, but I will say that if nothing does come of my life in a way that makes a decent difference in this world and for the name of my family...I will be extremely disappointed in myself, but I will also know and see how uneasily his spirit will be resting.

On that note, I would like to remind you, anyone that's reading this; If you have a father and/or someone you see as a father figure in your life, Pick up the phone, call them, and let them know how much you appreciate them for being there in a considerable way. Make some plans, go grab some dinner with them. Fathers day only comes ONCE a year, but that doesn't mean you can't treat him any other day of the year. Personally, and I've probably said this before but, I WISH I would've stayed with my dad growing up. I wish I didn't fall and go live with my mom, things would definitely be a LOT different now if I had; But, I learned a lot from moms side and can only continue to look forward and hope to grow in a much larger way than I had ever had the opportunity to before. It's inevitable, I will become my father, doing whatever it takes to make things work, no matter the cost of self. I promised myself when I was younger that I would make it, now that I'm older, the only modification to that statement is, I will make it, for my dad.

Thank you for reading, and I hope you continue to do so. I realize some of these stories are a little scrambled and they kind of jump from timeline to timeline but, I hope that in the reads, you'll slowly piece together the different lessons and motives of each piece of this book of mine and maybe, just maybe, you'll appreciate it a little more in that sense. I will again, urge you to KEEP READING. I am FAR from finished in fact, I've still barely made a dent in the story thus far! I hope you're entertained to say the least and I wish you to see the biggest and brightest on this line of yours as well. All is true, all is really real in my lifetime of experiences.

Written and lived by: Zachery Lee