Oh Man! The Dream Job!

I’ve been a stay at home father for almost three years. I also drive Uber on the weekends to pay for a couple of the household bills. It’s actually really nice to be able to interact with adults for a couple hours a week. Meet new people. It often turns into the same conversation though. That conversation usually ends up at either, “What do you do other than Uber?” or “Do you still cook?” That’s when I tell them I am a stay at home father. There are four typical responses. “Awww,” or “Oh, how nice, that must be incredibly rewarding,” or “That is a job in itself, a hard full time job,” and my favorite, “Oh man, the dream job! Hahaha.” These four responses almost always fall neatly into four categories, all of which are probably pretty obvious.

“Awww.” This is the response of young ladies who usually don’t have children yet. I can feel them picturing tea parties and barbies all day. Don’t get me wrong tea parties are often part of our day and it is cute as can be, but there’s much more to it. There’s poopy diapers, car sick covered clothes, and tantrums for no reason. However as the adult you have to remain level headed no matter what happens. You can’t get angry. You can’t yell. You can’t panic. They sense your emotions more than they understand your words.

“Oh how nice, that must be incredibly rewarding.” This category usually falls under middle aged and older gentlemen who have adult children. There is often a “cat’s in the cradle” vibe to these conversations—fathers who love their children and wish they had spent more time with them. I haven’t had anyone come straight out and say so, but it’s in their voice, the things they say. I appreciate their advice to do it as long as I can, because at the end of the day it really is incredibly rewarding.

“That is a job in itself, a hard full time job.” These are my ladies, they are usually middle aged or older and at one point or another they stayed at home with their children. It’s nice being able to talk about things with these ladies. None of my few friends I still talk to even have kids. I am part of a play group with a lot of stay at home moms, but we don’t talk about it that much, and I once made the mistake of quickly saying I hadn’t experienced “mom guilt” during a group conversation. I realized later that day that I had experienced it, and as my daughter has become older and more interactive it has become more common. It’s also easier to talk about some of these things with a stranger I’ll never see again.

“Oh man! The dream job! Hahaha.” The younger the guy, the more he laughs. If he has a date with him, he’s usually elbowing her ribs as he laughs. This is where my understanding of stay at home parents feeling unappreciated really began. I feel sorry for the woman they may marry, who stays at home and has to feel undervalued by her partner. These guys picture me just sitting around all day, playing video games and drinking beer. They don’t know that I’ve had the “alphabet song” in my head for a week. They don’t know how hard it is to do the dishes, fold laundry, or even take a shower when you are the primary caretaker of a toddler. They don’t understand how much you hope your child will take a nap today so that you have a chance to mow the lawn while you still have daylight and you can get the HOA off your back. They certainly don’t understand the stress of being responsible for the physical, mental, and emotional state of a child that is still in a very new, confusing world. Nor the self doubt. Am I stimulating her enough? Do we read enough? How do I punish her or even just nudge her into a new habit without traumatizing her? You feel guilty for cleaning or cooking too long and even feel neglectful. They are right though, it’s my dream job. I had a fulfilling career that hasn’t even come close to peaking and I’ll get back to it like I didn’t miss a beat, but for now I don’t want to miss a minute of this.

I am a hard working, full time dad, who is cute and enjoying my rewarding dream job, and so much more.