Not-So-Simple Lessons from Mom and Dad

This picture came up in my Facebook memories today. I've been reflecting loads lately on the lessons our immediate family can teach us by way of example. I've been particularly thoughtful of my dad lately as I fall deeper in love with boxing, a sport he loved.

My dad showed me what it means to have a vision. He worked in construction management on some massive projects in his career and far too short life. He could walk onto a bare plot of land and, without the aide of technology, see not just ALL the possibilities, but all the possibilities within the scope of a project—time, budget, etc—flexing his boxing muscles along with his creative and strategic muscles. He could predict outcomes like no other—all this, by the way, with only a grade ten certificate.

He taught me, quite literally, how to build. I've used those principles in my life in so many ways, often subconsciously. I've certainly used them in my career and without question, in all my relationships.

My dad taught me not to waste my words—he was a man of few. I'll get to my mom in a moment, but mom taught my dad what love is, she taught him how to love. From my dad, perhaps most importantly, I learned what love looks like. He loved his family fiercely and he showed it by building a world that, at the time, felt idyllic. He built the house he and my mom dreamt up. He would randomly dance with my mom in the kitchen just cause the song deserves it. Forgive me Ladybug, but it was mostly comical at the time to watch dad swoosh mom around. Mom has two left feet, I get this from her; dad had slick moves, my brother gets that from him.

I could write forever about my dad—about all the introverted traits I'm so grateful I inherited from him. I live my life, totally my way, in hope that he'd be proud of how I'm doing life.

Now my mom, my Ladybug. The list of lessons is endless. I know how to do life because of her. I wax lyrical about my mom often but what I haven't said out loud to many people is that one of the most paradigm shifting lessons I've learned from her is what empathy looks like in practice. My mom was always the 'cool mom', the one my friends felt just ‘got them.’ My mom had me and my brother 'late' for her time, at 28 and 30 years old respectively. So though she's always looked it, she wasn't a 'young' mom by comparison. Mom grew up in a very different time with its own set of challenges and no knowledge of the things we’d face as kids and teenagers growing up in the 2000s. What I've learned in reflection is that my mom's example taught us what it really looks like to put yourself in the shoes and experience of another human, and really see them and meet them in that moment. And then to behave from that place. My mom loves from this place of empathy. It’s from this place she taught my dad how to love. What a badass.

I often get feedback that I’m very diplomatic, able to reason many different points of view for the same scenario. My friends have a love/hate relationship with this part of me. But I’m grateful that I’ve been able to flex this muscle. It’s meant that I’ve been able to connect with a vast array of people. I’m a richer human because of it.

Our families are rich examples, good and bad, if you just take a moment to reflect. I’learnedrnt some lessons the really hard way. Haven’t we all! But there are so many lessons I’ve learned the gentle way too; slowly and by example. I’ve only really come to appreciate these lessons in reflection and when someone reminds me that I’m doing life well.

It’s not all me. My dad did this, my mom held him up. My mom did this.