Not All Pregnancies End with a Smile...

It started the day I married the man I love... it was my dream come true... I had my dream dress, cake, and most importantly, man!

This was supposed to be the beginning of the something exciting. Instead, this was the beginning of hospital visits, constant anxiety, and severe depression.

After the wedding itself, the in-laws "showed" me a lot of love and respect, until the day I told them the worst news they could have ever received... the day my husband and I told them I was pregnant. This was supposed to something everyone looked forward to; for me, it was a nightmare. My life had turned upside down from this day.

Being my first pregnancy, I didn’t ever know what to expect. I had heard of morning sickness and cravings, but didn’t realise how all this would affect me. Four weeks into my pregnancy was when I began suffering morning sickness. Define morning? It was constant sickness. I was vomiting from the minute I woke up until I was fast asleep at night. Throughout my sickness, my husband would hold my hair back, rub my back, and also try giving me foods that didn’t trigger my sickness.

The triggers: Chicken—my father-in-law would eat chicken every evening; I asked him politely to make other foods, as the smell of chicken instantly makes me vomit. This was clearly too much of a request, as he then, from this day forward, made chicken for every meal. Dog fur—being allergic to dogs and now being pregnant meant I couldn’t take any anti-allergy tablets as advised by my midwife. I requested again for my FIL to keep the dog in conservatory, as she was a long-haired dog, which they didn’t clean after. Due to this, the fur would be left around the house and if I was to bed clean during the week, it would be questioned upon. Following my request, the dog was now even coming up the stairs to the outside of my bedroom door. This was torture. I used to cry to my husband that it’s making me go mad. I can’t take it. I would ask politely and all my requests would in effect be thrown in my face to a larger scale.

If you thought my FIL was bad, you haven’t come across my sister-in-law... as my sickness was all day everyday, I wasn’t able to hold many foods down. As well as this, I began suffering motion sickness when I would be in the car, resulting in me taking time off work as I was a hazard to myself whilst driving. My SIL has the nerve to approach my husband to say, and I quote, "If she can’t deal with her pregnant, tell her to get rid of it, all I ever hear is that she is sick." I was thrown back by her comment; how can a sister say to her brother that his wife should abort his child? At this present time, I was going onto nine weeks; after being pregnant myself, and speaking to others who have been pregnant, I was told the sickness settles soon after 12 weeks.

With these comments, I began suffering anxiety and depression. I would be taken into the hospital regularly, as I would suffer severe palpitations as well as struggling to breathe.

I received a letter in my post regarding my dating scan; this was a day me and my husband looked forward to with great excitement. I remember this day as if was yesterday. I had to go on a full bladder, so my husband made sure I had at least a litre of water before leaving home. Upon arriving at the appointment, we sat in the waiting room for my name to be called. We felt all sorts of emotions: Excited, happy, nervous, and also very desperate for the toilet, as all that water was now effecting my bladder.

The moment had arrived. They called out my name, and my husband and I both entered the room. It was dark and cold, but we were both happy because we knew we had come to see our little prince/princess. The moment of my ultrasound I will never forget. The happiness on my husband's face... I’ve never seen that glow on his face before. He was so overwhelmed with happiness, I saw tears rolling down his face, and then he turned at me and said, "That’s our baby. Baby has a strong heart."

I smiled at the screen and listened deeply to the sound of my baby’s heartbeat. It was a feeling I cannot express. Even after the scan, I still wasn’t valued and my requests were not taken into consideration. I kept thinking to myself, why don’t they realise I have a child of their bloodline inside of me... my thoughts continued for a week.

Sadly, I never got past 13 weeks of my pregnancy. I feel so much negative energy was surrounding me that I ended up losing my baby in a major car crash a week after my dating scan. My baby will forever be a mummy and daddy’s angel, and I will always remember my pregnancy.

If I could change anything about my pregnancy, it would be not living with my in-laws because, sadly, they played a big part in ruining my short pregnancy experience.