Nosey?

A few of my friends are now reaching the point where they have been with significant others for a long period of time. So now as tradition would typically dictate in our society's norms, naturally the progression of conversation moves towards commitment and wedding dates. One particular close relationship I know has a couple who have been together 12 years. They live together and love each other dearly as if they were man and wife. But do you know something? THEY AREN'T MARRIED!!! Throw them stones and cast aside the social leper because apparently that is the done thing! How wrong are we today? Oh, let me count the ways!

Another friend of mine saw her partner pass unexpectedly, God rest him. They share three children but again, never married. So society's attitude is to not bear those niceties bestowed should she have been his wife and that is not on! Since when did a piece of paper decide the validity of a relationship and define the love between two people? No bereavement assistance but happy to leave her the financial burden of a funeral which, in today's world, is no mean feat.

But another thing that bugs me is that when it comes to this side of the fence, what gives us the right to comment on when a person should be getting married or committing? And since when was a piece of paper the epitome of commitment? You can be married and still be unfaithful, not committing to that person, and if anything, that is worse because you have lied to your significant other in the most heinous of ways. You led them down the path of believing you were their whole world only to pull a "Neymar" at the first hurdle, rolling on the floor claiming the world has done you wrong. "Oh, I lost a parent," "Oh, my parents cheated when I was growing up." That just relates to previous articles of not letting your past define your future because if you do, you are then saying to your children it is ok to treat others bad so long as you have a really good excuse, a good lesson in emotional manipulation from an early age. This brings me on to another bug bear—children.

I love kids, putting that out there now by the way. Before someone runs off telling my kids Mummy doesn't love them, this is not a child-hating post. This is highlighting the constant nosiness/conversations that people have to live through when in committed relationships. The natural progression. You are together so you must want to get married; now you are married, you must want kids, right? Like I said before more and more of my Facebook timeline is being filled with people celebrating their marriage anniversaries. The husband and I got married early. I was 20, he was 21 so it wasn't so common to see marriages on our lists, rather than nightclub selfies. But now that they are, it is so frustrating to see comments on "I love you" posts stating that now is the time to have kids! Why is it? Is there a time limit? Is there a missing quota I forgot to read when I signed the marriage licence that I have to have kids now? What a crock of s***!!

Some people aren't ready! Some people don't want them! And more heartbreakingly, every time you ask could be the the thing that tips the person over the edge for the person who has been trying. They have had yet another period come, or another failed IVF you know nothing about. And I am not saying that if you were to know you wouldn't be devastated for them but why share something like that if they are not ready to face the harsh and soul-destroying consequence that they may not be able to have children? So why do we bring it up? It's a lovely sentiment to pass things down generation to generation but some people do not get that luxury in life. Having a child is not a right. Just because you can produce children does not mean that you are automatically better than someone who doesn't. Children are being abused by parents and the horrifying stories in the media bring home that truth and it just adds to the sadness for those who are struggling.

So why do we ask this? I receive a small amount of it myself. I have three children with the husband shape and we still get the "are you having any more?" or "three!? That's surely enough?" Actually no, Susan, I am building my own S Club Juniors, only more tone deaf. Do you want tickets for our first gig? What is this society's obsession with having children!!!

Are we just having a conversation or is it just plain nosey? We are looking for the next bit of gossip. All I say is I try not to broach the subject of children with people unless they ask me first because that is not the be-all and end-all of life. Just signing off saying, tact goes a long way and just because people don't have kids does not make them a social pariah!