No One Tells You

It goes without saying that for most, pregnancy is this amazingly joyful time where we as women are empowered and admired for kicking ass and creating life. It is without a doubt amazing what our bodies do in a matter of nine months and how we are able to literally live through a baby flying out our vaginas. It is a beautiful life changing experience, obviously. But that isn't what we're here to discuss this time.

I'm not sure if it's the joy of bringing life or the avoidance of creating stress for the new mommy-to-be, but no one really talks about what comes after. After the nine months of wondering what your little bundle of joy will be like and you actually have to take care of them. Where you are still happy as can be that you have a new baby. What happens when that 'babymoon' phase starts to fade away?

No one warns you about the "I want to kill myself" feeling you get when it's 3:45 AM and your baby is crying bloody murder and all they want is to suck on your nipple. Or the pain you'll feel when they bite down on said sore nipples. Or the loneliness you'll feel when you've been home all day everyday for weeks, with no adult interaction. No one tells you how inferior you'll feel when you don't get the house cleaned, the laundry done, the dogs fed, and the baby asleep by 8 o'clock. No one talks about those moments you'll have of complete insanity where you sit on the floor in your kitchen releasing tears of frustration. No one talks about how you have to ultimately sacrifice your financial freedom because child care costs your an arm and your left tit.

And the HARDEST part about all of this is, there will be no one to talk to about it. Especially when you're the first of your "friends" to have a baby. Everyone will be so excited for you while you're pregnant. But once the baby is here, suddenly there is no one to be found. And you'll feel stuck, because your friends don't understand and your family will just say "well you wanted to have this baby." Please let that sink in: WELL YOU WANTED TO HAVE THIS BABY?! Such a welcoming response to me, completely losing my shit. I often wonder what it was like for women back in the day to have babies and be pregnant. Now I'm not saying us Millennials have it any harder than anyone else would have; pregnancy and motherhood in general is just hard. But I do feel like there are so many expectations for moms these days. We have to be perfect moms who take care of the kids, have booming careers, six-pack abs, and maintain a social life. In fighting to prove to society that we can have all these things, we lost sight that IT'S OKAY to not have all these things.

Navigating through mommy life, we must remember to take time for ourselves. We can't pour from an empty glass, we can't give what we simply don't have. That goes for our energy as well. It is so important to take time for yourself. At least 30 minutes of YOU time where you do nothing that has to do with anyone else, except you. Sometimes we have to be selfish and take time for SELF. Remember that you are basically WONDER WOMAN and even she needs some r&r. Your little ones are looking TO YOU, that is our greatest responsibility and if we are operating on empty they will feel it.

If you're still with me ladies, mommies. The point I am making here is to go easy on yourself. I applaud those women who are killing it in all aspects of their life and really are grinding hard and have it all. But I am not one of those mommies. And I just want other women who are like me to feel like its ok that they aren't either. Eventually I will have all that I desire, but for now I am really struggling to believe I am a good mom and that's OK. It's a daily journey and I am still figuring this mommy gig out. As long as you give your baby unconditional LOVE, you cannot go wrong.