No Help Just Judgment for Families with Disabled Children

We've all seen the posts on social media: "People on food stamps need to get a job" and "if you can't afford your child then you should have used protection." These are common statements we see and hear on a daily basis. It's not that simple and here's why...

Daycare

When you have a special needs child daycare is almost nonexistent. If you do happen to find one, the cost is more than you would make working two $10-an-hour, full-time jobs. Working won't benefit you financially if all of your income is going to daycare costs. No one wants to change a four-, five-, six-year-old or older child's diaper. They don't want to deal with meltdowns, medications, seizures, or anything related to being disabled therefore someone has to take care of them and that someone is mom or dad. Most special needs children only have one or the other so that means the only person who could work now can't.

Contraceptives

No one plans in advance to have a disabled child. Saying, "if you couldn't afford them you shouldn't have had them" is just ignorant. No one knows before conception that their child will need thousands of dollars worth of medical care and therapies. They don't plan on having their relationship fall apart due to the stress or losing their job because of all the appointments or lack of daycare.

Foodstamps

A few pennies out of your paycheck go to this program. No one enjoys being on it; it's embarrassing, but without it our kids would go hungry. We are unable to work or can only work minimal hours due to the demands of being a special needs parent so we need this program. The problem with food stamps is families don't receive enough. If your child receives SSI they cut your food stamps. So now you can't work, you have normal bills plus medical bills, the max SSI gives you is $750 per month to live off of, and your food stamps just got cut in half because your child got SSI which doesn't even cover the basic cost of living. You can't not apply for SSI though. Here's the catch: SSI includes Medicaid which covers way more services than any other insurance. It doesn't cover everything but it sizeably reduces a parent's out-of-pocket expenses for care or allows them to get at least some of the care their child needs which they could not afford otherwise. So either you give up your child's medical care or you give up half your meals.

The SSI Struggle

There you are unable to work, trying to support your family, and unable to get the help your child needs. You apply for SSI for your child to help out so you don't lose everything and they don't lose out on the care they need. You are in a dire situation but guess what? Social Security doesn't care. They don't care if your child goes without medical care, a roof over their head, or food in their belly. They're going to drag their feet as long as possible. It can take anywhere from three months to six years to get approved. Rarely ever is anyone lucky enough to even get close to the three-month approval. They will drag their feet and make you jump through hoops to get it. Once you do they make you jump through hoops and drag their feet again every three years for the rest of your child's life.

The lesson in all this? Don't judge struggling families when you have no idea what we go through. It's not always as simple as "get a job or don't have a child." Instead of being judgmental try offering a hand to a family you know is struggling. Something as simple as listening and trying to understand our point of view would mean the world to us.