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My Sister Saved Me

The Perspective of a Big Sister

The day she was born is one of my favorite memories.

I dreamed and fantasized about having a little sister. I wanted a little sister so bad because, I mean, what little girl DOESN'T want a little sister? Someone I could play with, someone I could dress up, someone I could teach and be there for, someone who could look up to me and I could show off to...

I remember asking mom and dad for a little sister back in 2004 around Christmas time, but mom and dad said they were done.  They already had me and our brother so they weren't trying for another child.  Mom was on birth control and even had one of her tubes tied, so she was definitely trying to avoid another pregnancy.

But I prayed to God anyway and begged Him for a little sister.  And, sure enough, God answered my prayer and within a couple months mom said she was pregnant! I remember mom saying, "God has a plan for this baby," because after being on birth control and a tied tube, my little sister was still here. And in September of 2005, she was born.  Head full of black curls, deep blue eyes, pale skin, and so tiny.  I remember holding her and being in so much awe.

For the first year of her life, I would wake up and my first objective was to go into mom and dads room and kiss her good morning. I never missed a day ... Not once.

As the years passed, I've been blessed to see her grow up from a little baby, to a little girl, to a big girl, and now into a pre-teen.  Gosh, she’s going to be 14-years-old this year. Not going to lie, it's a little scary sometimes how fast time goes.

As I've grown up, being her big sister, I've gotten to experience different emotions and feelings about being a big sister—

I've experienced beauty and awe at how such a small, fragile baby can grow up into a spunky preteen who isn't afraid to be herself and stand up for others.  Her artistic ability at such a young age is incomparable. Her art is a beautiful representation of who she is, vibrant, fun, creative, and mysterious sometimes. Her smile melts even the coldest areas of my heart and I can begin to feel warmth even on my most depressing days.  Her laugh is literal music and is contagious to anyone who hears it.  I could go on and on about her wonders, but I also want to share the other side of being a big sister that no one really discusses.

Being a big sister comes with a sense of responsibility and protection.  I want to be the best role model I can be for her, to make her proud and unashamed. I want to protect her from the dangers of life and the darkness that can linger and burn at the human heart.  But I'm human and I make mistakes. I can't always be the best role model nor can I always protect her from the sting of life. I've gone through dark paths, met and hung out with the wrong people, and made many and many mistakes that I'd never want her to know and see. And because of that, I've also experienced fear and doubt. Fear of the unknown and doubt of myself.  I constantly wonder, "Am I a good big sister?" 

"Does she know she can trust me and talk to me about anything?" 

"Is she hurting right now and no one knows?" ... Things like that.  Because, you see, when I took on the role of big sister and looked in her innocent blue eyes, a love grew in my heart that I never knew existed or was even possible to grow in such a small eight-year-old's heart...

A love that wanted to protect her.

A love that wanted to make her laugh.

A love that wanted to see her smile.

A love that wanted to hold her when she was hurting.

A love that wanted to sing her to sleep.

A love that wanted to spoil her.

A love that just wanted to love her, even on the days we didn't get along.

My sweet little sister, I want her to know that I love her ... So much. If something ever happened to her, no matter how small, I'd drop whatever I was doing and come rushing to her side, no matter how far away she may be.  I want her to know she can always rely on me.  I will never judge her, I will never turn her away, I will always be here.

I asked God for her, and He gave her to me.  I thought it was so I could benefit her life, but instead, it was so she could save mine.

Mom said that God had a plan over her life ... And I think that was it.

She saved me, when I didn't know I was in need of saving.

And to her, I’d like to say thank you.

Thank you, Miña.

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