My Life as Momma

My high-risk OB appointment was the on the twenty-second. I see her about every month, so we can keep an eye on baby's growth and hopefully determine when and if there will be any reason to suspect that things will get difficult. Well, I found that exact thing out at this appointment.

Everything has been going so much better this pregnancy than it did with my firstborn. The ultrasounds have been looking great. Even the symptoms have been completely normal. I say normal with a grain of salt because normal is a very wide term in pregnancy, and no one really knows exactly what may or may not be normal. With my first, I had no nausea at all in my first trimester but had the same migraine non-stop the entire three months. Nothing would give me any relief. My second trimester came, and the headaches completely disappeared, but I had no appetite whatsoever, and I was constantly nauseous. I barely made it into my third trimester, and I was in pain and then popped her out. So as you can tell it was very abnormal!

With this pregnancy, I was nauseous in my first trimester, and my boobs hurt like hell. My second trimester came, and I started to gain more energy and felt great along with a rising appetite. Now, in my third trimester, I am feeling more pregnant, and I can feel my belly stretching. I have been extremely hungry and tired often. Sometimes I get a burst of energy, but mostly I'm just worn out. I can actually see him moving on the outside of my stomach, and he moves a lot more than my first ever did.

I have had two very different experiences so far and that gave me a confidence in this one that I can’t help but think was somewhat premature. I was told that, although his legs and arms are in normal range, his belly didn’t grow half as much as they expect it too in a month. The put me on monitors for a stress test, which came back normal and told me I will need to be seen every week to do the ultrasound and the stress test to monitor things. She said if it was just his weight, it may not be as big of a deal, but his umbilical cord had a high blood pressure. Both of these are signs of my placenta starting to lose its functioning. With my history of preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome, these are definitely cause for enough concern to start weekly visits. She said this will allow us to keep an eye on things in case I need to be hospitalized to monitor him in a controlled setting in case they have to take him early.

Of course, when I heard this I was immediately distraught because this is the exact opposite thing I wanted to hear out of this visit, but, with reminders from my family, I am already ahead of the game. With my first, we had no idea that anything was going wrong until last minute and with this one we are seeing the early signs and are able to catch it and do what is necessary to prevent a preterm birth as much as possible. I also am supposed to start on two protein bars a day or protein shakes so I can hopefully help him pull his weight up to where it needs to be. This whole situation is still extremely scary.

I keep telling myself just take it one day at a time and follow what your doctors have been telling you to do and you will make it there. It has been difficult to stay in that frame of mind when I keep getting flashbacks of everything that happened with Layla. I keep asking myself what I did wrong and what can I do to fix it. These are both questions that will never get answered, unfortunately. These things just happen no matter how well you take care of yourself, is what I’ve been told.

I had planned on taking great care of myself after I had Layla and then just got caught up in life, but I think that, if I really want to even attempt to have another baby after this one, I need to be in the best shape of my life. I need to make the things that will get me into better shape happen no matter what excuse I give myself. I’m sure I won’t be the only one thanking myself for it later on, either. My husband might just enjoy it as well. My motivation, though, still lies with wanting more kids more than anything. I want at least two more after this one, and, if I even want a chance at that at all, I think I need to make some big lifestyle changes. The attention from my husband and the new found confidence I will have will definitely be bonuses!

I will have my next high-risk ob-gyn appointment this coming Wednesday, so I’m hoping things will be better than they were. Of course, if not, then we will handle everything accordingly. I know I can handle this! Things will work out just how they need to.