My Life as a Clueless Mother

"Being a mother changes you..." Damn ain't that the truth. I would say pardon my language, but we all deserve to let loose now and again, and boy it has been a long time coming. It's funny to think about the word motherhood. It almost sounds like a job description honestly. A lot of times that's exactly what it is. From the moment you find out that you're a soon to be mom, your life is arranged around this tiny little human. From "no, sushi is bad for the baby" or "if you drink caffeine your baby is going to have ADHD." Mom shaming is everywhere! You give up some less important things, as well as things you thought you would never live without.

Most people think, "it's only for 18 years..." These people are either liars, or clueless. Most of the time it's the second. I, myself have only been a mother for four years, three months and seven days... but who's counting? Does this make me think I'm the mom guru? Hell no! I'm figuring stuff out literally day by day. I remember the very first hurtle I had to cross, bath time. From day one, my sassy little tornado hated baths. I remember crying when she cried, thinking this was the worst thing I would encounter. I was SO wrong. Now, bath time is a breeze. I just throw a few toys in and let her at it. To her it's no different than being at the beach. Although one thing got easier, it's like five things took their place. 99 problems, and my self assured toddler causes them all, am I right?

Motherhood doesn't get easier as you go, you just learn to change your way of living to suit the tiny developing humans wants and needs. How hard can that be? I remember my last month of pregnancy. Full blown nesting mode. I'm sure I washed her clothes at least eight times and reorganized them more than that. I even had a detailed book of outfits laid out in her dresser. (Yeah I was "that" mom) There were giraffes and trees hand painted on her walls and a gorgeous cradle refinished by my own two hands. And an antique rocking chair in the corner. I'm sure you can probably guess how many times she slept in her room (not even once). The "nursery" became a graveyard of my hopes and dreams of becoming "world's best mom."

After day three all of the clothes she wore came from either a basket on my bedroom floor (I promise they were clean) or she went nakey... Hey, she was born in June, so no shame here. I watched every plan I had as a mother be scratched off my list.

"She will sleep in her own bed from day one."

HAH! That one and "she will be exclusively breast fed" kinda clashed with "After 6 weeks she will go to daycare and I'll go back to work." So I compromised a bit...

Okay a lot. From day one, even my birth plan changed. I know they say you will never be able to plan for a child, but this takes it to extremes don't you think?

"I'll make all baby food from scratch."

Yeah, scratch that, here's some banana puffs. The hard part to grasp is that it only gets harder from there. "She will be walking by one," nah, how about one and two weeks. "She will be potty trained by two," try two days after her third birthday. (I swear she does this on purpose).

And my absolute favorite? "My child will NOT be a picky eater."

Here I am finding myself begging her to eat anything else but mac and cheese, and weenies. I find myself whispering "pick your battles Tara," on a daily basis. This is the number one rule to motherhood. No really read the manual! (as if). Motherhood is like fight club, there's only one rule. "Expect the unexpected." No matter how much you plan, how much you prepare, and how much you try, motherhood will take you in directions you never thought was possible. That being said, I was definitely meant to be a mom.