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My Estranged Sister

How I Miss Her

Growing up, my sister and I were very close. She is younger than me, and she was always a pain in my butt when we were little. She wanted to do the same things I was doing, or hang out with me and my friends. Sometimes it was okay, but other times, she was too nosy for her own good.

As we grew up, she became my best friend. She might not have understood a lot of what I talked about but she was there to listen. When our parents weren't there, she was.

I made a few bad choices in my teenage years and that's when my mother tried to keep us apart because she thought that I would be a bad influence on my sister. If only she knew that we would stay up late at night and I would talk to her telling her about the things that I did and that I didn't want her to go down the same path as me.

I did not want my sister in the same mess I was in, or doing the wrong things that I did. She didn't deserve that and it was no life for her. She had her moments, but I would never try to take her towards those ways or things.

I left home at an early age to keep her from following me and in my steps. I always tried to contact her to let her know how I was doing, but then my mother tried to stop that too. I had resentment towards my mother because of her not being there when I needed her, but appreciated the fact that she was trying to protect my sister.

When I became an adult and moved clear across the country, my sister soon followed when she became an adult. She still wanted to hang out with me and was still there when I needed someone to vent to or just when I needed an extra opinion.

Then I found out she was doing drugs and at the time I was too. I told her that if she chose to do drugs that I wanted her to do them with me so that I could keep an eye on her so no one would hurt or take advantage of her in any way.

She finally met someone who was doing the drug thing too and they decided to hook up and have a relationship, until she got pregnant. They moved away from me but stayed in the same state. My mother and grandmother before she passed away came out to visit but it was mostly to see my sister and the new baby.

My mother really didn't have time for me and when it came to me seeing my niece, it was hard for my sister to trust me around her due to the drugs but she knew I would never do drugs around the baby nor would I be under the influence around her.

We finally got reunited with each other when my niece was a little older but still a toddler. Those were the moments that I missed. I was never able to have children and being around to help take care of my niece was special for me.

Our relationship became close again and we hung out together and even got the same job together at a chemical plant. I almost envied my sister because she had a child that I could never have and that was the only thing that made me sad.

I finally ended up leaving that state and going down to Miami where my life took another bad turn and I got myself into a mess again, but eventually got married for the second time.

Once I got married for the second time he gave me a whole different outlook on life and I got myself cleaned up and became a working part of society. I had a job, place to live and someone who loved me no matter what my faults were.

I tried to reestablish my relationship with my sister and it was okay at first. I attended college for a couple of years which during that time, my grandmother was bad off with cancer. She was in a nursing home and dying.

My mother and aunt sent for me and my sister to come and see her but I was only on Spring break and could only stay gone for so long. I went home to see my grandmother and spent some time with her, but had to return to college before she passed away.

My sister stayed with our family while I jumped back on a plane to get back to school. It was at that moment that my sister began to hate or dislike me and when I finally got the chance to sit down with her again years later, she told me why.

She felt like I abandoned her to deal with the passing of our grandmother alone. That was not the case, but that is what happened in her mind. It was almost like she was being selfish on her part because I was going to school to try and better myself, but she wanted me to hold her hand while dealing with our grandmother's death and funeral.

I loved my grandmother very much, and she would have wanted me to get back and finish school. So, my sister and I have not talked since 2010 and I have not talked to my mother since before that. I love my sister and would help her out the best way I could, but she chooses to hold a grudge against me for something I could not stop or change.

I only hope that one day, she can see me for who I am and think about the choices I had to make and we could begin speaking again as sisters should. I hope she can forgive me and move forward before it is too late and one of us have left this earth.

It is very lonely for me at times because I think about her, but I feel in my heart that she doesn't want to hear from me, and that's okay but I pray one day for her forgiveness.

If you have a sibling that you haven't spoken to in a long time, now would be the best time to rekindle that relationship but take baby steps. Sit down and talk about why you both stopped talking to each other and figure out a way to fix things. It can be rather lonely without your sibling around you to share things with.

Read next: Life
Brandi Payne
Brandi Payne

I'm a forty-eight-year-old woman who became a published author back in 2016. I write fiction and nonfiction in many different genre. I love to write and tell stories to the world and hope that everyone enjoys them.

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My Estranged Sister
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