Motherhood with Mental Health

It's hard enough just being a mother, but being a mother with depression/anxiety is a whole other beast. You probably laugh when other moms complain about how hard they have it, while you think to yourself, "you don't have any clue how hard it can be!"

Depression/anxiety and being a mom have a lot in common. They make you doubt yourself constantly, you're always exhausted, you feel like you're going crazy, and everyone you meet has an opinion to share about how you should handle it. It can seem like the most daunting thing in the entire world to be a mother with depression/anxiety. I often find myself thinking, "how in the world can I ever be a good mother to my son? I can barely take care of myself most days." It can be so overwhelming sometimes.

But having depression/anxiety does NOT make you a bad mother! Let me repeat that: Having depression/anxiety does NOT make you a bad mother!! In fact, having depression/anxiety and still trying to be the best mother you can be makes you a pretty bad A$$ person! Yes, there are going to be days where you have to fight back tears while you make your kid breakfast, you stay in your PJs all day, your kid watches cartoons, and you ignore the housework you're supposed to be doing. But that does NOT make you a bad mother! I've had plenty of days where I sat there looking at my son's diaper rash, and his dirty face, and the pile of ever-growing laundry, and thought, "I've got to be the worst mother ever! I'm so not cut out to be a mom! This is never gonna work!" But then I (try) to remember that I'm a good mother to my son and that's just my depression/anxiety talking.

If seeing a diaper rash on your kid hurts you, or you wish you had the energy to run around and play with your kid, or you want so much to always be there for your kid, then guess what. You are a GREAT mom!! Being a great mom doesn't mean you always have everything together, and you go on amazing outings every weekend, and do crazy games and crafts with your kids, and you always have a clean house. Let's face it, no matter how much their Instagram posts make it seem that way, there are almost no moms anywhere that have that life! Being a great mom means you love and care about your kids and want the best for them. It means you're there for them when they really need you, and you care about their wellbeing. So, let the laundry sit for another day. You can wash it when you have the energy to. Have cereal for dinner every once in a while. You can cook tomorrow. Go ahead and lay on the floor and eat candy with your kids while they watch Zootopia for the 50th time. It's ok. I promise. Having depression/anxiety does NOT make you a bad mother.

When the days are bad and the nights are even worse, it can seem impossible to function; let alone be Mom. I've had plenty of those times myself. But it always helps me to (try) to remember the good times with my son. I think about his adorable laugh, his beautiful smile, his curious nature, and his intense determination. And if thinking about those things doesn't help, I remind myself of the day he was born. It was the worst pain of my entire life, followed by the greatest joy I've ever experienced. I think to myself, "If I can make it through the 22 hours of labor and come out the other side, I can make it through this day." Maybe like me, you had a long and intense labor. I got through mine one contraction at a time. "This will only last a short while and then it will be over. I can endure this pain for this one minute. Then I'll be one minute closer to holding my son." That's how I made it through labor, and how I make it through my bad days. "This will only last a short while. It's just a bad day. I can endure this agony for one day. Then I'll be one day closer to my next good day." Or sometimes I have to think about it in shorter increments. "This is just a bad hour. I can endure this for the next hour. Then I'll be one hour closer to my next good hour." That also helps me get through my son's crying fits, or cleaning, or putting up with other people, or really anything. "I can endure this for one minute. Then I'll be one-minute closer to not having to deal with this."

When you're in the throes of a bad day, you may feel ashamed, guilty, overwhelmed, and like a failure of a mother. You may feel like you can't do anything right and you just want to cry. It's completely ok to cry. Go ahead and cry as hard and as long as you need to. There's nothing wrong with that. And there's nothing wrong with your kids seeing you cry. Maybe you feel like in order to be a good mom you have to always be happy and smiling in front of your kids. But that's not true at all. It's actually really good for them to see that you cry, too. It's good for them to see that you experience the same emotions as them and you have a hard time sometimes, too. And remember that you are not alone. I cry for stupid reasons, or for no reason at all, all the time.

It can seem impossible to be a mom with depression/anxiety, but, I promise, you can do this! Just take it one day at a time and remember that you're not alone.