Motherhood at Its Finest

As a new mother, there are a thousand challenges I never thought I'd ever have to endure. I always used to be one of those people who would say, "I'm never having kids. I'm never getting married." Well, here I am, 24 years old, and I now have been married twice and have a beautiful baby boy. I wouldn't trade the life I have now for anything even though I didn't think I would cut it for motherhood.

My son was born January 17, and it was an emotional roller coaster just a few weeks before he was born. I had the traditional mother breakdown and was so terrified I wouldn't be able to care for him the way he deserved to be cared for; pre-postpartum depression I learned is an actual thing. I've come to find out quite a few mothers have battled this demon before and after pregnancy and delivery. I went through it after my son was born also. It is absolutely terrifying the thoughts you can have about your sweet, innocent little baby. I never hurt him, but somehow my brain thought that was the route it should take. I thank goodness for my amazing husband who helped me through the crazy depression I battled and could openly talk to him about what was going on inside my head.

Now my son is almost 11 months old and is all over everywhere. He isn't quite walking on his own, but he walks along furniture and is finally crawling on his hands and knees. For the longest time, he would army crawl everywhere. But he definitely can get to where he wants to go. His favorite people are me, his papa, his daddy, uncle P, and his uncle J. But he pretty much loves most people that he meets. He's an outgoing little person who is so excited about everything, here lately that's been our Christmas tree. He really loves music and has began "dancing" to anything that has a beat, whether it be on commercials or my phone or in the car. Which makes Mama very happy because I love to sing, which is something I do with him regularly. He also really loves books and especially the books that are touch and feel books. His favorite is one with puppies and pandas. He also likes anything he can get to make noise, which doesn't mean that he won't try to make noise by lightly hitting his head on the cabinets in the kitchen and bathroom. He is a chaotic mess, but I wouldn't know what life meant until he and his daddy came along. It really has opened my eyes.

As for the strengths I've gained as a new mother, I have a LOT of patience especially since we are beginning to delve into the world of food and walking. My son can eat up to six jars of baby food and then also want whatever's on my plate. It's incredible what these little humans can shovel in and still want more. Another thing is running on fumes. I have eight nephews and nieces ranging from 15–4 years of age so I've had plenty of experience with little humans since I was eight years old. I always said the only thing I'll struggle with when I have my own baby is the sleeplessness. That fact is 1000% true and hasn't changed in the 11 months I've had my son! I don't mind it much now, but when he was in the infant age and battling postpartum it sure was difficult and hellishly frustrating when he would only sleep an hour to an hour and a half at a time. I was exhausted and mean to my husband, but he stood by me and took what I threw at him. I am grateful that stage is long gone and doesn't instill the fear in me that I would like one more baby in the future.

Being mama, as my son is able to say and know that's who I am is enriching and so incredibly fulfilling. As I've said, my life has so much more meaning then it did before January 17. I just wish I could stop time a little to be able to enjoy him. Time truly isn't real until you've had a child. You blink and they're so much bigger than they were just hours before it sometimes seems.