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Motherhood

The Life That Chooses Us

As I sit here staring at my computer screen, anxiously deciding what to write, I am off in a daze. I find myself scrolling through the same Facebook news feed on my phone that was there 10 minutes before. I can hear a faint snore and a heavy breathing as my daughter is swayed asleep in her swing. That is when I realize, I am a mom. 

It may, or may not come as a surprise to some to find out that I had never wanted children. I was never the type when I was younger to play with dolls, or to be the one pushing around a baby stroller. I was the one who could never keep herself occupied for longer then 10 minutes, and never had a hobby.  Yet, here I am, age 22 with two children. For once in my life, I truly believe that I can say that I have found my hobby as you might call it. 

I was never really good at much—I could never throw a ball well—school was just something I dibbled with, and at home I was a slump.There were times I would often find myself  scratching my brain trying to determine what I was going to do with my life. College seemed like a great place to start, and it worked for awhile until I lost interest and became more interested in a man. To me, he was not just any man. He had this character and light to him that seemed to always make me feel whole and at home. This was the man I never thought I would find even in my wildest dreams, but I did. 

Time went by, and we grew closer and closer together.  Yet, there were times where all we did was fight, and it appeared as though we would never make it. We would use each others weaknesses and play it against each other. Despite all of the darkness, we would always come back to that light that we had between one another. From that light, we decided to spend the rest of our lives together and get married. 

Marriage was an act I had only thought about in my wildest dreams, I had never saw myself as the type to be someones wife. I never believed that I was worthy of that potential. Just like I had believed that I would never be someones mother. All of that had changed once I heard the loudest heartbeat on a tiny monitor, with the words "Congratulations, you are pregnant."

Two pink lines intersected into a positive sign are what changed my life forever. I had dreams of doing many things with my fiancé and felt as if those dreams had been hijacked from me. Yet, I was so wrong—all of dreams would soon become greater and more breathtaking then I could have ever imagine. From feeling every faint kick, to the growing stretch marks on my belly, I was finally becoming a woman with a passion. A passion that would soon become the reason for everything.

Here I am, two years down the road with two children under my wing. Many may think I am crazy for having my children so close together, and in reality they are right. Being a mother has taught me many things within the two years I have been one, and one of the most significant lessons is that chaos is beautiful. Every day will be unpredictable, but to your children it will be the best day ever.  To me, I find that to be an opportunity to show them the world and to make them love life. 

I had went from a girl who had no idea where her life was going, to a mother overnight. Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you at night.  This life that I am living now, is a life I would not trade for the highest of riches, because to me I already have everything I could imagine and more. I am a mom. 

Read next: ADHD in Kids
Emily Grisham
Emily Grisham

I am a stay at home mom to two little girls, and am married to a hard ass working husband. We are currently living in California but would love to move soon. I love to cook and try new recipes, enjoy coffee at all times. 

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Motherhood
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