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Motherhood

What I like to refer to myself as is a realistic and honest mother who isn’t afraid to keep it candid.

By That Broke BohemianPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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What are some of the things that come to mind when you think of an infant? Is it their pink and tiny faces, breath, smooth bottoms, minuscule toes, toothless smiles, and their cutest infant coos? What about: how it felt seeing your baby for the first time? Did you think about the way that they first cried? What about the feeling that you felt in your heart when your baby smiled at you for the first time? Or when they looked directly into your eyes? The late night cuddles? The closeness of when they nursed? The skin-to-skin contact? Their smell? Those are some of the topics that are always mentioned when discussing motherhood; am I also right?

But what about the other stuff that most mothers don’t disclose or even talk about? Is it because they want to keep the illusion of perfection? Or maybe because they don’t want new mothers to know that they felt or feel the same way?

No one ever mentions the bad days. They only glorify the good ones. I'm talking about the days where everything goes wrong, the days where your infant throws fits, cries hysterical, throws food or whines to be held. Why does no one ever talk about those days also? Did I forget postpartum depression? Or the toll that motherhood takes on the mother?

This is the reality of my motherhood.

When we first took her home from the hospital, I didn't know what to do. The only thing that I knew was that the day before I was a mother and my infant was in my stomach, safe and quiet and the next day, she was in the world where it's unsafe and she was loud.

As the days passed, I would get in fights with my husband for everything. I didn't understand my body nor did I like it. So I blamed the baby. Everything was perfect before we had her. I was skinny before I had her. We were happy before I had her. I never thought of harming my baby, but I disliked her because I didn't know her. I didn't feel that connection mainly because of the postpartum depression or from what psychologist say, "baby blues," and also because of the traumatic labor we both went through. But as the months went by, our bond grew stronger and I outgrew the baby blues.

Since becoming a mother, I have been so distracted, busy, stressed lately that I haven't painted my nails in over two to three weeks, shaved my legs, and let’s forget about home cooked meals for my family. Did I mention that I forgot my husband's birthday and our anniversary?

You could say that our home is in chaos since our child has a serious (I know that the word "serious" is not even appropriate) ear infection/sinus infection, will more likely need tubes placed in both ears, our dryer died, and all of the other chaos that happens in between.

I have yelled at my infant multiple times as if she could actually understand me and feel like a bad mother all of time. Not all days are like this. We also have the glory ones that parents brag about.

The goal of this post isn't to earn sympathy for mothers; just to show a small reality that many are too ashamed and scared to show. I am one out of many that have gone through these blue and I won’t be the last. This is what most mothers do not tell their friends or even their family members. They suffer in silence and hate themselves even more. Some may call me a bad mother, some may call me brave, but what I like to refer to myself as is a realistic and honest mother who isn’t afraid to keep it candid.

XOXO, T B B

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About the Creator

That Broke Bohemian

Stay-At-Home-Wife & Mama, Blogger, Vegetarian, iPhone in one hand, Toddler on the hips & Coffee in the other hand.

Blog: Thatbrokebohemian.wordpress.com Insta: Instagram.com/thatbrokebohemian Twitter: twitter.com/thatbrokeboho

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