More Kids or No More Kids

Being a parent is quite possibly one of the most rewarding aspects of my life, but it's not always all "sunshine and rainbows" is it?

Everyone with kids has probably heard at least one of the following phrases, from friends, or family, or even strangers we encounter in public, some of which can be pretty friendly, like,

• "When are you going to have another baby?"
• "Are you planning on having any more?"

Others can be extremely abrupt, like,

• "Wow you have your hands full! It must be tough."

Or the one I hear all the time, that I find to be said with extreme disgust most times,

• "You better not have any more kids!"

Now here's where I'm a little curious. Whether an individual has one child, twins, or ten kids all different ages, why is it such a habit as humans to be so extremely condescending of those who have so many kids? We call them crazy, wonder how they do it, question how they let it get so far, and some even go as far as attacking the character of those individuals who do chose to have multiple children. Is it just human nature to be uncomfortable with other lifestyles that simply aren't what we consider normal? Or could it be that we recognize how hard it must be and we just can't seem to grasp how they manage it?

I'm willing to admit, after three kids, I'm not 100 percent sure I want another child. However, I can't seem to get one thing out of my head: why do people feel the need to try and dictate how many children another human has? I try not to take it too personally, because honestly, I completely understand that as family and friends they are mostly trying to ensure that I am in a good place before having another child. I just don't know why it is always a topic of discussion. I say "I have cramps." They say, "You better not be pregnant?" I say a baby outfit is cute, guess what I get as a response? You guessed it: "You better not have any more kids."

Now I'm not too proud to admit having multiple kids is tough! It's stressful. It's exhausting. It really changes your entire lifestyle, from something as small as breakfast, to something as big as moving, and every single thing in between. Nothing is just you anymore. Driving to the store to get one item goes from a 10 minute trip to a 45 minute endeavor complete with laughing, crying, and the possibility of a potty accident from the child who "definitely doesn't have to pee" (can you tell I speak from experience?). When you need a babysitter it can be pretty impossible to find someone you trust with all your children at once. You start to notice little quirks about friends and family members you never really noticed before. Let's be honest. Would you care how reckless your friend is when she drives? No, not until your babies are in the back seat! How about when your relatives let their pets lay on everything? But that was okay, until they want you to visit and one of your little ones sneeze the entire time, while one is chasing the dogs and one is climbing the cat scratching post! Bottom line? Being a parent is hard, no matter how many kids you have.

Another point I can't leave out, there are so many people in the world who can't have children for one reason or another. Some of us are so lucky to have reproductive organs that not only work, but they work well. To clarify, no, I don't think people should just have kids because they can. I only mean that if someone has multiple children, maybe it's because they wanted multiple children. One should never assume any child was an "accident." Unexpected pregnancies can be really hard on all who are involved, whether the individuals are married, dating, or neither! I can't even begin to count how many times I've seen people stare at me when I walk into a store with my children. I've even had a few instances where people have said blatantly out loud phrases like "Why would she bring all of them here" and "she looks like she needs help." Full disclosure, I love when I have help. I love when my friends and family are active in my children's lives. But do I "need help?" No. I feel I am a very capable mother. I was capable with one. I was capable with two. I am capable with three. And if the time does come, I will be capable with four.

My bottom line and as always, my personal opinion, I believe that no matter how many kids an individual may have, it is never okay to assume they should not have more. I fully believe that a strong support system, and unconditional love, are the best ways for children to live full, and happy lives. So support your fellow humans! Don't be so quick to judge, or try to deter someone from adding to their family. You never know just how much someone could use your support!