Mom Shaming

As a mother expecting the first baby she is bringing home, there is one thing I have noticed: Mom shaming! There are always people who want to judge you for things, even before you give birth. I'll admit, I even found myself doing it. I watched a YouTube video where a first-time mom talks about her hospital bag. She decided to buy and pack her own hospital gowns because they were cute. In my mind, you're giving birth. It's gross, it's messy, and who cares? Then I got to thinking. I'm mom shaming. Who cares what this mom wants to do! If having her own hospital gown will make her comfortable, good for her. For me, I'll just use the gowns given to me and have a night gown or pajamas for afterwards. Everyone has the right to choose what makes them comfortable and happy during labor. How dare I judge her for her choice of hospital gown.

Then I got to thinking, I got mom shamed. When asked what I have to avoid, I was told, "That's ridiculous. I didn't have to avoid that when I had kids." Today, pregnant women can't have sushi, deli meat is off limits, and unpasteurized cheese/dairy. At one point, pregnant women drank alcohol and smoked cigarettes their entire pregnancies. Well, one thing to note about different generations, things change. When my grandma had a baby, they didn't need to go crazy with carseats, and she told me she smoked for all seven of her pregnancies. Now, we notice that rear-facing carseats saves infants lives, and smoking is a BIG no-no. And there will be new limitations and safety regulations when my children have children. Even now, a new law states that infants are in rear-facing carseats until 18 months or a certain weight. And people are judging that.

I also don't have a birth plan. Why? Well, I lost my daughter last time, before I got a chance to even have a birth plan. So in my mind, I just want the plan that gets this daughter home safely. However, I do plan on using an epidural. A one pound baby hurt, so I can't imagine anything bigger not hurting. Now people are quick to give you their opinion. My last pregnancy, one person basically told me that I HAVE to do lamaze classes. It's a necessity and I'm crazy if I don't go. Plus, it helps you to not need an epidural. First off, my husband and I work opposite schedules, so getting to those classes can be difficult for us. They also don't offer one any time soon at my hospital. And most importantly, people have different pain tolerances. For some, childbirth is a breeze. For others, it is traumatizing.

Everyone wants to give you their opinion on what is best, what is weird, and what is necessary. In reality, as long as I feed and clean my baby, then I'm doing a good job. Why? Why is society so quick to give their two cents when you're raising your child? Why are they willing to point out what they think you're doing wrong? We should be empowering women who are making their choices about their babies, their pregnancies, and their bodies.

Many of us are guilty of shaming other moms. We shame them for their birth plans, lack of birth plans, working, stay-at-home, co-sleeping, not co-sleeping, sleep training, breastfeeding, and the list goes ON. Why? Who is the person that truly knows everything about being a parent? No one! We're all trying to figure it out. We truly just need to support one another during this time. We all have something in common: We want our children to be happy and healthy.