Mom-Shaming

I have noticed SO MUCH mom shaming happening today. The advice and questions begin pouring in when you first find out you're pregnant. There's the weird belly-touching part, questions about how you're feeling, how you're going to raise your child, etc. Then, as soon as the baby is born, there's almost a switch that's flipped. I've noticed it mostly with strangers than the people I actually know when they ask questions about your child. According to the current "standard norm of right and wrong" when it comes to having a child, I basically checked off every box on the list and I have heard every one of the following, most often from people I don't know...

1. I had a child out of wedlock. In traditional American families, it's dating, marriage, and then kids. Well, for me it was pregnant, marriage, then kid.
2. I was 19 when I got pregnant, and 20 when I was married and had my daughter. I didn't follow the standard norm and I wasn't married a few years before having my child.
3. I worked full time until two days before my daughter was born. I would have worked the last day, but that was a swing shift and getting home at 12:30AM the morning that I had to go to the hospital did not seem like a good idea.
4. I had a scheduled C-section (gasp) due to my daughter being breech. They didn't want to try to turn her due to my size. I suppose some people don't see that as a true birthing experience because I didn't labor for hours and physically push her out. I was given a shot and didn't feel anything until the epidural wore off the following day. However, I slept sitting up for weeks as I wasn't physically able to sit up on my own when my daughter woke up hungry every hour and a half and my husband went back to work four days after returning home from the hospital. I wasn't supposed to lift her carseat or drive for six weeks following, but I had to. I wasn't able to go to the bathroom for days. It felt pretty real to me, even if it is considered less than a natural birth. Every birthing experience is unique.
5. I formula-feed my child. Not by choice, trust me, it would be a whole lot cheaper and healthier if I could have breastfed. But my daughter refused to latch, and therefore that was my option. This is kind of a two-sided coin because people who breastfeed get shamed for feeding their child in public because it "makes people uncomfortable," but if you feed your child formula, you're not giving them the proper nutrients and you're not "bonding" with your child.
6. I let my daughter sleep in bed with us for all of two weeks, and then I decided I wanted my bed back and she went into her bassinet, and later her crib where she takes all of her naps and sleeps at night. It was nice having her close at first, it made the feedings and diaper changes easier, as it was difficult to get up. But then, even when she was sleeping, I couldn't move because I was paranoid about suffocating her, or my husband rolling over her. Eventually, the sleep deprivation caught up and out she went. Some people say it's important for bonding and if you don't, there is some mental development I am depriving her of.
7. I went back to work after my maternity leave was up. I cut my hours back from 40 to 32 due to child care. We had friends who watched her the days I worked, who we could pay less than the traditional daycare. If I was working, it meant I "didn't want to raise my kid" except for nights and days off. Then, my schedule changed and the child care didn't work out. My income would've all gone to daycare expenses, so...
8. I became a stay at home mom. However, this means I don't want to support my family and, why isn't the house always clean if you're home all day? Why isn't there food on the table when your husband gets home? Let's face it, a stay at home parent of a teething infant doesn't have all the time in the world to clean, cook, and do laundry constantly. I do my best, but sometimes I need a nap too! Plus, it ultimately is cheaper for me to stay at home than work and put her in daycare. Instead of that, why not spend time raising her?
9. I'm not a super sanitary or a super attentive mom. I wash her bottles and etc. But if she drops her binky, I won't run and boil some water to cleanse it in. I'll brush it off and pop it back in her mouth. This is interpreted by some as "I'm not concerned with her health." I am, but a little dirt doesn't hurt. If it's gross, I'll wash it. By the super attentive, I mean if I put her down for a nap or bed and she cries for 15 minutes after I lay her down, I don't go running in to get her. This also supposedly can cause mental trauma to her when she's older. I am just trying to teach her to self soothe and sleep on her own.

All in all, there's a flip side that people see no matter what you do. Whether you co-sleep, breastfeed, formula feed, work, stay at home, or almost anything else. I don't understand this trend of mom shaming. It's hard to see moms who criticize each other, instead of offering support, encouragement, or a helping hand. When my child is screaming in the store, and I don't have the option to just leave because I need formula or groceries, I'd so much rather hear, "It's okay, she's a baby, it happens," than, "Take your screaming baby and leave. Come back when she's quiet."

Why is it easier to criticize than build each other up? I've experienced it, I've seen other moms experience it, and I hate it. We are a community of people raising little humans to be decent people when they're older, trying to teach them right from wrong, with good morals, who take initiative and are kind. We are responsible for them. And when we criticize how people do it, were showing the younger generation that it's okay to bully. And even if we are, to simply do our best to set a good example in how we react. That's my goal...