Miscarriage

There are a lot of women out there that want to be a mother. For some, it comes very easy. For others, it is an impossible task. Some have a lot of difficulty conceiving. Some mothers choose to go with adoption, and others look for surrogates.

It is in the nature of most women that want children to try to conceive on their own. When that becomes a problem, then we look into other options. It is hard to cope with the fact that you cannot have a child the natural way. We start to panic, and think the worse. What is wrong with me? Why can I not have children? I am going to be a good mother to my kids. Why is God punishing me like this?

I have a child. She will be 5 years old in July. I am beginning to consider her my miracle baby. I had two miscarriages before conceiving her, and I have had 3 miscarriages so far this year. I went to my doctor with all the questions anyone can think of. I asked friends and family about experiences with miscarriages, I asked people I had just met in class, and everybody I came in contact with. I was very curious.

Needless to say, I was extremely frustrated and depressed. Why is this happening to me? I have done nothing wrong to deserve this. I already have a child, so why is it so hard to have another one?

The first miscarriage I had, I didn’t even realize it was happening until the pain started to become unbearable and I ended up in the emergency room. I thought my period was just late, and I didn’t think anything about it because my period was irregular. I asked my doctor why I had no symptoms of pregnancy or miscarriage, and he stated that sometime it might happen with no symptoms as all, and look like a normal period.

That happened, and I started being more cautious about having sex. We started making sure we used protection, and planned the next pregnancy. When the next one came around, I had done research to look for signs and symptoms of miscarriage, but this one came just like the other one. No signs or symptoms. I went back to my doctor’s office and he did some studies. I had to get sonograms, blood work, health history, the whole 9 yards. Turns out, the contraceptive pill that I was taking was destroying my uterine wall, so the embryos would not stick, causing me to have a miscarriage without symptoms.

I got pregnant with my daughter in 2012, at 22 years old. When I realized I was pregnant, my period was late. So, being that I had all these problems, I took Midol for pain, and was squeezing my stomach to get the blood flowing. I was in so much pain, that I stayed in bed for a whole day. I took my pain medication, and didn’t even want to eat. And on December 3rd, I decided to take a pregnancy test. It came back positive and I got very nervous. I did not know what to expect, and called my boyfriend right away.

We called the doctor’s office and asked to get bloodwork done, just to make sure that I was actually pregnant, and how far along I was. I was 6 weeks along, so he sent me to get a sonogram done. My mother and my boyfriend both went with me to the first sonogram. My mother was very excited, and my boyfriend almost cried of joy. I was still so nervous, and did now want to get too excited and then be dissapointed. I wasn’t.

I moved to Upstate New York in January, 2013. I started going to an OBGYN and everything was okay. My pregnancy kept progressing, my baby and I were both healthy, and everything was coming along very good. I delivered a healthy, 8 lbs 12 oz baby girl, and I was healthy as well. I was happy to have a baby, and that nothing had gone wrong.

She was born in July 2013, and in September I had the ParaGuard inserted, and took it back out in June, 2017. After that, I have had three miscarriages, and still no answer as to why. The first one of this year was at about 8 weeks. My fiancé was excited about us being pregnant, and then we lost it. He was very disappointed, and did not want to keep trying. He thought he could not live through that again.

The second time I got pregnant, I did not want to tell him until I went to the doctor’s office and got checked out. I started spotting and immediately called my doctor. I took a pregnancy test, came back positive, and went in for a sonogram. He said that the spotting looked like old blood, so he was not concerned, but he could not see the embryo because it was still too early in the pregnancy. I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks. The doctor said that I was not producing enough progesterone, and prescribed progesterone pills. I went through the treatment and got pregnant again.

The last time was quite odd. I had blood work done, and came back with a low number. The nurse said that it looks like I was about 4 weeks pregnant and was getting blood work done in a week. I started to spot that same “old blood,” so I called his office and made them aware of what was going on. The nurse said that if it was the same spotting she was not worried, just keep an eye on it, and call if it gets worse. I had no pain, no signs or symptoms, no worries. I was very optimistic about this pregnancy.

Next Monday came along, and I got my blood work done. The nurse called me back and said the blood work came back negative. Negative? That cannot be possible. There was no heavy bleeding, no cramps, no pain, nothing. So, why did it come back negative?

Apparently it was too weak. What does that mean? It means the embryo wasnot strong enough to continue forming.

We have been advised to make an appointment at a fertility clinic, just to make sure that everything is okay with both my fiancé and I, and that we can have children on our own. We are open to looking at all our options. We try to stay positive, because there is no history of disease or infertility in our families.

Praying has helped me cope with all this loss. It has given me strength to continue to try and not give up. Speaking about it to people who have had the same or similar experiences, listening to their stories and how they coped, how they managed and how they finally overcame their situation gives you hope.

Know that you are not alone. There is always someone willing to help in any way they can.