Mindfulness for Moms

Being a mom is hard. Don't get me wrong, I love my four littles so incredibly much it hurts sometimes, but seriously, it's the toughest gig out there. You can lose yourself in the mom role and forget who you are because you are just giving everything you have to your family. Before you know it, you are lying on the floor of your bathroom, staring blankly at the ceiling, wondering what is left of you.

That was me and the moment for me that something shifted. I knew if I kept on the way I was, it wasn't going to be good for anyone, hence the saying of "happy mom, happy family." So, I started to make changes to make sure I kept "me" intact. It wasn't a lot to start—I'd go to the gym for an hour or leave the kids at home with my hubby while I'd go to the store—but it was a start, nonetheless, and set me off on a path to really be me again.

I'd taken some yoga classes at my gym and that's where it blossomed from, this feeling of calmness and peace where I was able to just connect to myself, actually have a conversation with me and find out what I needed. Which is just not something you can do with four kids running around you using their outside voices. So here is the conversation I was able to have with myself, "Hey how's it going? Long time no talk. Where have you been? Ah busy... ya I see, I get it kids are busy. I'm sad though, I feel like I've been left behind. Just sitting here, waiting on you to come back. I'm glad you're here though I have so much to talk to you about it's been soo long! We should really go do all those things we loved to do before and there's so many new things I've been thinking of trying. What... we can't, why? Kids, family, responsibilities... ya okay. I'm sure there's a little time left in there for just us though, our happiness is important just as much as theirs right... haven't you missed us. Yes... so let's just figure out a way to make it happen."

From then on I committed to myself and being me again—and that was the single most important thing I've ever done for me and my family. It's made me a better mom, a better wife, and a better friend. I don't feel depleted or drained anymore. Sure, there are still days I'm tired, I'm still a mom, but I don't feel lost in it anymore. So here's a few things I did to really make the shift to taking back myself.

The biggest one of it was practicing mindfulness. Now I know you're thinking how in the heck do you do that when you have your house overtaken by screaming kids and needy husbands. Well, it's forcing yourself to be selfish a little and making some sacrifices. This can be done a few ways, whatever works for you and your family. It's carving out a piece of time to do something that will allow you to be with your thoughts and have real conversations with yourself. You can do this by waking up before your family if you are good with mornings. I'm NOT a morning person, so that didn't work for me as much as I tried and wanted it to. But for some this works very well. You can do it while your littles nap, and if they are a bit older and don't nap, you can still have them do quiet time in their room with a book while they relax and have some probably much needed time to just unwind for a bit. Or there's the evening, and I find this has been what works for me the best; I'm a bit of a night owl and always have been. I get my kids off to bed as early as I can and spend a little time with my hubby talking or watching a show before he goes to sleep. As he is up quite early for work, he is in bed fairly early himself. After that, it's me time. I usually have a few hours before I will go to sleep and it's glorious. I spend some time writing, as that's what I love doing and it's a part of me that got lost along the way. Sometimes I will take a bath to relax or make a cup of chamomile tea with some honey and snuggle up under a cozy blanket and read for a bit. Then when I've relaxed for a bit I meditate. Now I know as moms we have busy minds filled with lists of things to do, but meditating is still possible. I started by listening to guided meditations I'd find on YouTube. There are so many different ones to pick from, so you can choose whatever one best suits you. I find doing them sitting up works best for me, as I will fall asleep most times if I'm lying down... which is great if you have insomnia and have trouble sleeping. But for the purpose of doing it for mindfulness and being awake to observe your thoughts then I recommend sitting in a comfortable chair. After some time, I was able to meditate on my own and get to a meditative state in a shorter amount of time. It allows you to check in with yourself, see how you're doing, and what you need to maintain your own wellbeing and happiness. It's also changed how I talk to myself. I used to be so critical and had a lot of negative self-talk, but going within and getting to know me again I've been able to be more patient with myself and practice more positive self-talk.

Another part of being more mindful as a mom is to practice it as much as you can throughout your day. I know what you're thinking, some days are just so crazy and your kids are driving you up the wall—we've all been there. But trying to be present and aware in the moment with our families is just as important as when we are practicing mindfulness within ourselves alone. The things you can learn about your kids and yourself when you do that are just amazing and helps you to feel more connected to them. So, how do you do this? First put down your phone or put it on silent... I'm not going to get all preachy on this because hey I love my phone too but it's an important step so trust me do it. Next involve yourself in whatever it is your little is doing, if they are playing with play doh get in there with them, if they are out running around in the yard go run around with them, try to reach them from their level because kids truly see things and feel them, we forget that as adults. I know this isn't sustainable to do all day but try to take the moments when you can and really be there with them. This is just as much for you as it is for them, we can learn so much from our children or even just remember what life is really about.

The other thing that helps me to be more mindful is writing daily in a gratitude journal. Pick a time of day where you can just sit and write a few things you are grateful for down. This usually takes me about 15 minutes so I do it while I have my morning coffee. I know it can be hard on days when you aren't feeling your best or life seems to be handing you some real crap but those are the days you really need to do it. The law of attraction is the real deal and the more you sit in negativity the more you will be given. My life changed big time when I realized this and its not to say life doesn't hand me some crap every now and then but it is no where near as often or as bad as it used to be. Become in alignment with your thoughts and being more positive and you will see your life change. When you practice gratitude daily it automatically makes you become more positive. Here's a chart if you run out of ideas for what you can write about being grateful for.

A few other things I do that are for me and make my soul happy are yoga, going out for girls nights, pampering myself every now and then with a massage or pedicure, and paddle boarding in the summer. But have a conversation with yourself and find what really speaks to you and take that time to do it. It's not easy and you will probably feel horrible and selfish at first doing it but it's so important to maintain "you" in being a mom because it affects everyone you love. So remember that when you feel like taking that time to do you isn't right... because it is, it's so right!