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Me, Myself, and I

My Adoption Story

By Kaia HilsonPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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It was November 16th 1976 in Barron, Wisconsin.

She walked into the hospital and gave birth, then left without her baby. Without a word, without a care, knowing the secret would be revealed someday.

I am said baby. Born and kept at the hospital because I was jaundice. Stayed there with no motherly love until a foster family took me in. Baby Girl Erickson was my name. I was cared for by an older couple who fostered many. On April 7th 1977 I meet my new forever family. In that instance I became a real sister and daughter. Little did I know I would still be broken and have trust issues my whole life.

I lived a good life. Family who cared for me, loved me, and supported me.

My adopted mom was a research specialist who helped adoptees find their families. She knew who my birth mother was and showed me the pieces to the puzzle. I was 18 years old when we went on a mini road trip to her house. It was confusing, sad, and maddening that when I introduced myself she denied me. She had no idea who I was, what I was talking about, nor did she want to help me find the right person. I left in tears knowing the truth. Was it the truth? My adopted mom was 98% sure she had the right lady. She also told me there was a chance that my birth mom still wasn't ready to reveal her secret. To be prepared for the crazy rush of feelings that follow. I thought I was ready.

It was very upsetting to me and it took its toll on me. I lived my next years angry. I did stuff I regret. I ended up falling in love and finding some piece. Then I decided to search for my half sister, I wished I hadn't. She didn't know I existed and stayed connected for a short time. No one would bring it up to my birth mother that I was around and asking questions.

What about me?

What about my feelings?

She just left a sweet baby girl alone at the hospital with no explanation!

I have to worry about her feelings?

Her drama?

What about me?

Years later I called her, no reply.

I called often.

No reply.

I have lived my life with my love and have two babies of my own. I experienced the birth. I experienced the love for a child and still wonder how one can ignore such strong feelings.

Fast forward, to present day.

For my 41st birthday my in laws bought me a "23andme" kit.

And guess what.

More puzzle pieces were connected and I now know 100% that Janice is my birth mother. I had found family the year before but no one would bring me to her attention. I tagged them on Facebook and said it's official! I'm your family!

And that's when I found out that someone knew about me. Wondered about me. Thought about me all the time. No it wasn't my birth mother, Janice. It was her sister's daughter.

That's the moment I felt a sigh of relief. I went my whole life thinking not one person cared for me from my birth family. Janice won't tell anyone who my dad is, so I thought it was a deep dark hidden secret.

You know what? I finally feel at peace. Becky won't talk to Janice either but the fact that someone knew about me and thought of me over 41 years makes me finally feel complete.

I am me, myself, and I. I wouldn't be without my life. But I can be at peace now without dwelling on my woes of the past.

It feels good.

It would feel better if now I could just tell my birth father I am here.

adoption
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About the Creator

Kaia Hilson

Kaia is a multitasking mother, wife, and artist. She is a part time nanny and Uber driver and now a writer. She enjoys hiking, cats, and Sasquatch.

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