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Me First, Momma After

The Importance of Self-Nourishment, Even When You're a Mom

By Ashleigh CorriveauPublished 6 years ago 5 min read
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This is pretty self-explanatory and something I’ve struggled with since my first child was born. I brought my daughter into this world when I was 21 years old. I was young, I was in a failing relationship, and I honestly had no idea who I was. I hadn’t yet begun to discover the things that made up my character, and I was still emotionally struggling from demons that I couldn’t leave in the past. My priorities were work, how much beer I had in my fridge, and what my plans were for the coming weekend. The second the doctors laied my daughter on my chest, everything for me changed. All of my priorities shifted and everything that I had ever cared about emptied itself from my mind. She became all that I knew and literally my only concern. I didn’t know it yet, but that was mother's instinct and I completely consumed myself in it. My daughter is almost three years old, and I didn’t start to discover that I was doing this all wrong until just this past year.

As a mother, your main concern, obviously, is your child. You would go to the ends of the earth to meet your child’s needs. If you were stranded on an island with no food resource you would craft a knife from sticks and cut off your own hand so that your child could eat. You would walk through a forest of fire holding your child above your head to make sure they didn’t feel the burn. There was a time that I had to drag myself through absolute hell to make sure my daughter was taken care of, and don’t get my wrong, I would do it again in a heartbeat, with my head held high and my claws out. Provide for, protect, and nurture are your biggest mantras. As mothers, this is who we are, and that’s totally fine. We pride ourselves on this. But we can’t do this the right way if we wouldn’t do it for ourselves.

In the grand scheme of things, I think the most important lesson that I have ever learned, and am still learning, is that I am important and I cannot give 100% of myself away if 100% of me does not exist. And the biggest relation this has in my life is to my children. I am a great mother and I will say that with more confidence than I will probably ever say with anything else. My kids will never have anybody that cares for them the way that I do. But I’ve been doing this all wrong. There have been and still are many days where I put my kids to bed and I’m left with nothing. I wander aimlessly around my house and pass my time with “busy work.” Finishing up the dishes, doing the laundry, blah blah blah. And that’s exactly what those things are. Blah. In my mind, there are a thousand things that I really want to do, but they all simmer on low heat on the backburner because my kids can’t wake up to a dirty house. By the time I get back to those things that I’ve left to simmer, they’ve turned cold and sloppy and I’ve lost all interest in them. This is a habit that I’ve struggled with for years, and it’s the reason that I’ve been continuously running on 50%. I’m sure I’m not the only one that’s ever felt this way, and I’m ready to figure this shit out.

Ladies, mommas… the kids will be fine. YES, your kids are important. YES, they require your constant attention, YES, they should be your first priority. BUT, only after you have achieved your 100% level. Now, I’m not saying you need to go out and do all of the things that you want to do while your kids are left to fend for themselves. Absolutely not, let's be realistic. But, your kids don’t care about the dirty dishes in the sink and they don’t care that the countertops are scrubbed just right. They are benefiting more from a momma that’s happy, enthusiastic, and in the right headspace. And that comes from nurturing yourself just as you would those babies that you’d do anything for. This is a learned behavior and something that needs to be worked on every single day, because I know firsthand that it’s a lot easier said than done. I always want to make sure everything else in life is taken care of before I even give myself a second thought. But this is harmful and it leads to permanent exhaustion, uncontrollable irritation, and once again, running on 50%.

Just as we nurture our kids, we need to nurture ourselves. They feed off of our energy. They know when we’re not 100%. They need us to be full in order for them to grow properly. If we aren’t 100%, we’re not giving them 100%, and that means we’re not doing our job to the best of our abilities. Putting yourself first occasionally doesn’t in any way, shape, or form make you a bad mother. The ability to re-focus yourself and rejuvenate is a sign of strength and self-awareness. I repeat. YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOTHER.

The next time the kids are taking a nap, put down the laundry basket and sit down and do something that feeds your soul. I promise you, they will appreciate it. You’re their momma, it’s what you're best at. They know you love them, they know you’ll do everything and anything you can to make their lives the best that they could possibly be. It’s important that they know you’ll do this for yourself too.

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About the Creator

Ashleigh Corriveau

24. Momma.

I like to clean my house and write about what's in my head.

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