Marriage Expectation: The In-Laws

The in-laws ... I can never tell if they actually like me or not. Once they went from my 'boyfriends parents' to my 'in-laws' everything changed.

About four years ago, I was approaching my boyfriends house, very fast. I was late and so terrible at first impressions. I was very nervous and just coming straight from work, so I already knew I looked like total shit.

He met me at the door and his whole family was already seated for dinner. As I approached the table, I could definitely feel butterflies in my stomach—something I suffered from far too often. They both got up and shook my hand, "nice to finally meet you," etc. Then we all sat down and I mentally convinced myself I could make it through this night, and I did.

Since then things have been okay. I can remember a few different times of over-protectiveness from them, which is understandable. His dad, a very blunt man, is always nice and keeps it pretty light. He is really funny but also just says it like it is. Most of the time it is refreshing, sometimes I find it unnecessary and just plain old rude.

His mother on the other hand is really just something else. Half of the time we get along the other half I think she probably hates me. I can just see it in her eyes that she doesn't deem me as fit to be "taking care of" her most precious son. After all, my husband is the youngest and their only son. So that makes him very special. Don't get me wrong, it is okay to love your children, but to be over-bearing and over protective is something way different.

After the first couple months of being married, I thought they might both simmer down. But they still have not two years later. My husband receives a call from them every night after he gets home from work, which would be fine if we never saw them. But, we do live only five minutes away from them and see them at least two times a week. It makes me feel bad that I call my mother once a week and only see her about once or twice a month.

There have been different times since we've been married where his mother has gotten mad at me or seemed very disappointed. For example, my husband's birthday was fast approaching and I decided that I was going to buy him an ice cream cake to have when his friends were here. That did not sit well with her, she questioned me as to why I wasn't making my own cake and how expensive those kind of cakes were. Well, his birthday is only once a year, it isn't like we're buying cakes every week or every month. It's once a year lady—even though that was the last time I ever brought him a cake for his birthday. I didn't know I could be so terrible because I wasn't being conservative, but once again its just the way we were raised, I guess.

I do understand that we were both raised differently and have different relationships with our families. I get it. It just seems so odd to me that they wouldn't want to just back off a little. You have lived with them for 24 years and now you have your own life and your own wife.

Before we were married, I would have thought they would have been more welcoming and not as harsh towards me. I still see that they think I may not be good enough. It's a classic mother-in-law/daughter-in-law situation that I thought was only in movies. Turns out it happens to woman in real life as well. I should have known, I see the way my husband's grandma looks at my mother-in-law and it's the same. I have heard about the way my grandma used to treat my mom—before my parents were divorced. I really should have seen this coming, I guess I just thought it would be different. I do not think I should spend a part of my life trying to prove myself to my in-laws. It's not really fair, but then again that's it life.