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When mothers gather... it’s all about the kids. Hell, when one mom is amongst her friends, all she can do is talk about her kid(s). After reading A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, with a few clues along the way, I got a glimpse into this conscious parenting thing that I have been trying to figure out. Our kids are not ours. We parents are custodians of little individuals that need to be cared for and nurtured until such a time they can be independent to continue on their human experience. We buy into a role that our identities latch onto called “Mom” and “Dad.” What we also latch onto is this animal instinct to dive in to rescue the little individuals. My question is; to what degree is the “if you touch or hurt my kid I will kill you” syndrome from social constructs of the Mom and Dad identity, and to what degree is it a true part of the natural, authentic nurture order?
My son and I came home, he saw his friends riding their bikes and playing outside, and immediately got excited to go play. As we walked into the house, he made a pit stop by them, before heading inside to put his bag down and put his lunchbox in the kitchen and change. In my “mother-hears-all-mode” (also known as eavesdropping), I thought I heard rejection from them like a “No, we’re not going to play with you” vibe. I was so ready!
“Melo, what did those kids say?” I asked.
“Nothing, mama,” he said.
“Were they mean to you?” I asked.
“Uuhm no, they said I must go change quickly," he answered.
Well that made me feel foolish... I was so ready to defend my little boy, kick ass and take names when they had done nothing wrong. I let my ego and my mom identity take a piece of peace from me, and, possibly, if I was a real loonie, mess up some good childhood friendships. Or, more so, let Melo miss an opportunity to learn about rejection if what I thought I had heard was indeed correct.
In the same way we shouldn’t react to our environment and, rather, create what we want to experience, our quickened reaction we call motherly instinct also needs to be taken a look at. How we react is how kids learn to react. If I am so quick to defend him by being a tad bit rude to a bunch of five year olds in my child’s defense, then what am I teaching him? If I can differentiate my thought to be instincts (which have been conditioned because we live in a society that has entrenched being a mom with protection and fighting fiercely) from my conscious being, the reality created can serve a higher purpose; purpose being a lesson that needs to be learnt, a bond of friendship to be harnessed, a betterment of some kind. That’s the only way our kids will learn to live conscious, awakened lives.
It isn’t easy, and, of course, it’s 31 years of undoing what I deemed to be “good parenting” and five years of “my parenting.” By no means never protect your child, and by all means protect them from a place of being in full view of the bigger picture, “Who are they learning to be?”
“Is what I’m about to do from my socialised identity as to what a parent should be? Or is it part of a connected consciousness that my child is also part of?”