Living With Divorced Parents As a Teen

When my parents first divorced, I was a young child and although I didn’t understand the problem, I seemed to understand what it meant pretty well and just that it was a thing.

My parents had a pretty good agreement about the divorce and easily split everything up and made it easy. They have nothing against each other and still are friends to this day. I like to think I got off with a pretty easy situation for having divorced parents.

My father kept the house and my mother moved into an apartment. They decided that they would each get my brother and I for half the week. They based the schedule around my father's work schedule since he only works for half the week.

Before my older brother or I could drive, my parents, usually my mom, had to give us rides between houses. Since we usually switched on Wednesdays and Saturdays, it made hanging out with friends complicated because we had to figure out how to hang out with a friend in the middle of a switch. Sometimes that consisted of bringing all of our “between house” supplies to our friend's house so we could just go straight to the other house the next day. Now that we can drive, though, it makes it easier because we can get wherever we need without troubling our parents.

We usually just kept large backpacks that we kept just general stuff that we need/want at both houses. So sometimes I like to say I live in a backpack since most of my important belongings can be found in one spot, like chargers, laptops, some needed clothes, wallet, etc. Let me tell you, though, we surely have learned how to pack a lot into little room. Throughout high school, my brother and I have both just left textbooks in our car so we always have them.

As I have gotten older, it’s gotten to be more of a weight on my shoulders to deal with this along with everything else. There are so many times that I just wish that all of my stuff could be in one spot and that I could just go home to the same place everyday and that my friends wouldn’t have to ask “What house are you at?” And just so much. Although no, I do not wish for my parents to be together because in fact I love my step family and my step dad has been an amazing father figure all my life.

Then if I end up staying with one parent longer than the other one week, say for traveling, then I have to worry to make up for that time depending on the circumstances. My parents came here to Idaho from Montana together so they both have family there. So not only do I have to worry about which parent I’m going to be with during the holidays, but I also have to worry about if I’m going to Montana for the holidays or not. Between both houses, I tend to drive to Montana twice or more a year.

Sometimes my dad travels for work, so I have to stay at my mom's house. That’s when it affects me most because I’ve had so many days just in one spot, it makes me despise having to get back into the routine.

My parents have always been very supportive in making sure my brother and I are okay, though. If we feel the need to have an extra day here or there, they let us. If I need to spend one night at my mom's house because I need to be able to go to school from her house one day then they are okay.

I do feel as though I’ve had it easy, especially with how much my parents work together to make it easy for us and agree who pays for what or who gets us when. I feel like their divorce hasn’t affected me as much as it may affect someone else. I grew up with it and I’m used to it. I’m thankful it happened when I was young. But even so, it has a major effect on my life. I have to do things that normal people would not have to do, like live in a back pack. There’s so much more to the effect and the process of a divorce than people may realize.

Having divorced parents is a weight. It’s getting a new step family to deal with, and for some people that could be awful. It’s going back and forth, back and forth. It’s not knowing exactly how you're gonna get home from school that day. It’s having to plan for so much more. It’s having a constant changing schedule to move with your parent's schedules. It’s not knowing what you're going to need at your other house for the time being and packing the basics and a bit extra just in case. It’s a lot more than I can ever explain and it’s different for so many people.

But hey, at least I get two Christmases, right?