Little Girl Lost

I was only a year and half when my parents got divorced. It was just my mom and me. I have a lot of memories of when I was little but most of those memories are through pictures and stories. I am not sure how old I was but I know that I was still in a crib because there wasn’t any room for another bed. Anyway I used to have a blanket that was light blue, and because I loved that blanket so much I took it everywhere. My mom and I had a female cat and she would climb into my crib and sleep with me. One day I noticed something was different. I woke and my blanket was bloody. I told mom to come here, and she did and she told me that the cat was having babies. She was having them on my bed on my blanket so she took the blanket out of my crib, and put them and the blanket on the bed so I would have room in my crib to sleep. She didn’t want me to touch them. Mom took them and the blanket and put them in the closet so I wouldn’t go near them because she told me that if I did the cat would kill her babies. So I left them alone. After the babies got big enough we gave them away.

It was funny but scary at the same time I had a bike that I loved to ride in the house. It was red and blue. I had to lift the handle bars to go into the living room, and then I had to lift them again to go into the hall, and then I would go in the kitchen. I would do this all the time. I forgot one time and I went over the handle bars, and I shoved both of my teeth into my gums. I was bleeding badly. I had the go to the doctors, and then to the dentist. The doctor and the dentist said that they would come down on their own and to just be careful. I liked doing things I wasn’t supposed to. I liked the stove. I would climb in the bottom of it and close the bottom of the stove with myself inside and my mom couldn’t find me until I wanted her to.

I wasn't sure how old I was for this memory but my mom and I were at my grandparents' house and my grandfather was upstairs and I wanted to help him and I would hand him tools, and when he told me to move I did; well I guess I moved too far and I fell down the stairs backwards. My grandmother and mom came running to see what happened. I told her that I wasn't hurt and I was fine.

I remember when I was thirteen and a half and I had to be in the hospital because I needed a surgery. It was 1988 and my mom and I were in the hospital and my mom called my dad and she told him that I was in the hospital because I needed another surgery. I also remember my dad being there and hearing my mom said shouldn't you be with your wife. I think he said no I needed to be here with her.

Little while later I was able to go and see my dad and my little brother. My sister didn't like the fact that I was able to walk with him because she wasn't able to; she was still top little. So that is strike two. Strike one was that my dad was with me when my brother was born.

It wasn't that long before I went back to feeling like the little girl lost again. I felt like I have played second fiddle to my sister. I always thought it was ok. My dad seemed to be the fun parent.

I remember having a few dogs growing up but they didn't stay long. The first dog that I remember was a dog named Trixie. My mom's boyfriend came home with her and she wondered into my room. I had her jump onto my bed and she laid down and we fell asleep. The next morning I got up and she followed me downstairs. When my mom's boyfriend went to feed her I believe she tried to bite him. She nipped him and drew blood so he got mad and told my mom to open the back door and so she did and needless to say it was the first time I saw a flying dog. It was an hour or so that we went looking for her but couldn't find her. To this day I am not sure where the dog took off to. Then I remember there was a puppy that myself and my mom didn't know that was sick. At first he was eating and drinking and playing fine. We left to go to a friend's house and a little while later my mom went to check on him and she said that the dog was fine. Well we all came home for the night I look and go pet him but he was all wet. He wasn't drinking or really eating. He was all whiny and limp. I had his head on my lap and and my mom told me to go to bed. So I did but the puppy was still whining and so my mom's boyfriend left the house and when he came back he had a gun and he picked up the puppy outside. He also told my mom to turn up the radio. I asked why he had that and why he had my mom turn up the radio. Well a few seconds later I heard a shot. Well about five minutes later he comes back inside and no dog. I was yelling at him why did you do that why couldn't you of brought him to the vet. My mom said that they didn't have the money for a vet.

Fast forward to about when I was 16. My mom decided to move away and I didn't really want to go so I went to my dad's. My mom and I went and talked to my dad and his girlfriend. We all agreed that I could move in. Well it was a few days around February break and my mom wanted me to move with her. So I was talking to my mom in code because I knew that my sister went into my dad's room and picked up the other phone so she listen. So when I got off the phone I went upstairs to pack my clothes. She asked me what I was doing and I told her that my mom's boyfriend's sister wanted to see all my clothes. When I got down there I was having a blast and I am not sure when but we went to a shelter and we found puppy. It wasn't long I am not sure on how long we had him my mom had to send him back to the shelter because he was outside and he whined and my mom's boyfriend couldn't sleep so my mom brought him back to the shelter that we got him from. So there again I have lost dog number 3.

Fast forward again but this time I am adult. I am now married and I have a daughter. We all move into an apartment and we are there for about a six months or so and we all had to leave because couldn't pay the rent. My daughter's father went to his mom's and my daughter and I went and moved in with my aunt. My daughter and I didn't stay long because there really wasn't any room. I am very thankful for what she did for myself and my daughter. Things didn't work out for my daughter's father and I so we got a divorce. Funny thing is that I got a divorce around the same time my mom and dad did when they were married. I felt like I falling into my mom's foot steps. OK my daughter and I stayed with my aunt for a few months and then my daughter and I moved into our own apartment. We lived there for seven years. In those seven years her dad and I were on again and off again.

Then in 1998 I met my husband back then though he was my boyfriend. Funny story for next time is how I met my husband.

Anyway here we are dating now for a little bit and he tells me that he is being deployed and he would be gone for two weeks. Well I wasn't really sure about it. I was scared. I really didn't want him to leave but I knew that I couldn't stop him. He was in the air guard before I met him so I didn't feel like I could tell him no.

I am now an adult and I am still feeling like I am still the little girl lost. I am always having someone leaving me. There is still lost more to this little girl lost. Stay tuned please.