Life as a Daughter of Agent Orange, Pt. 1

I honestly do not know where to even begin telling my story. I remember growing up, at least to the age of 10, life was pretty normal and decent. Mom worked and Dad stayed home with my little sister and I. I recall my dad being strict, but that was nothing compared to what was about to start in late 1999.

My dad was in the Navy during the Vietnam War and was stationed in Da Nang in 1970. I do not know what went on there since he does not talk about it, but from attending a lecture on the chemical Agent Orange, I do know that in Da Nang the chemicals were not taken care of properly and seeped into the ground. So, even though my dad was not in the forests of Vietnam (to my knowledge), he still came into contact with Agent Orange because of poor maintenance.

My dad had no idea what was occurring inside his own body; none of the military did. The did not know that each year after exposure their bodies had their own countdown timer until symptoms presented themselves. Said timer was set for 25 years after exposure. My dad was about to turn 50-years old when sudden changes came about.

The first thing I recall was the mood swings; they were worse than any PMS in existence, especially since nobody knew why they were happening. When those mood swings came about, dad's entire character changed; gone was the man who had a decent sense of humor and here was the cruel-tempered creature. It was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde had come to life in my own home. For a girl who was nearing 10-years old, it was pretty scary and traumatizing.

The preteen years are the years a girl needs a good father figure the most because she is moving from girlhood to young womanhood and relies on that figure to show her how she is to be treated by members of the opposite sex. It is during that time a girl needs to go on father-daughter dates, to go to the movies, to learn new hobbies, to show an interest in new things at school (especially with middle school coming up), to teach her how to be strong without losing her femininity, and to learn how to trust members of the opposite sex. My preteen and teenage selves missed out on that blessing and I was left to flounder thinking it was okay as a girl to feel like she was not loved and important.

Now, a lot of people would tell me to get over it or just leave it in the past, but it is MY past and has made me who I am today. Some things I have learned to change while other things still haunt me to this present moment as I am typing. Until you live in someone's situation, do not cast judgment or tell someone what they can do differently — it only makes the situation worse and makes the involved parties feel worse about sharing. I have lived each negative comment, each moment of "support" and I can say for a fact there were moments when I considered hating everything about my situation.

Please stay tuned to read more in the second part of "Life as a Daughter of Agent Orange."