Learning Things the Hard Way

I think I am going to start this post out with a story from being a little kid. It is a story about one of my first memorable life lessons. It involves me, an invincible mindset, and my mother reminding me about how she is right. I am often reminded just where I get my hard headedness whenever I challenge my mom. My mom is a strong Hungarian woman who is never wrong, just sometimes misunderstood. She knows when to be caring and when to use some tough love. This story leans towards the later.

I was probably right around the nearly adult age of 5 or 6 when this takes place. I had a habit of sprinting up the stairs of our unfinished basement. The stairs were just wood with no back to them leaving plenty of opportunities to trip if you weren't careful. I would sprint up and down the stairs and my mom, at first would always tell me, "Steven, be careful, you can easily trip on the stairs." And then as I continued to sprint up the stairs, her response changed to, "Steven, you need to stop, you could get hurt," until she finally told me, "Steven, don't come to me when you get hurt." Of course, I was invincible at the time, so I disregarded even her harshest of warning. Until one day it happened; my foot caught the bottom of on the steps and my shin smacked against the edge of the step. My leg was bleeding and dang did it hurt, it just shot through my leg and I immediately ran to my mom. She looked at me, put me up on the counter, cleaned my leg, and put a bandage on it. After my leg was all taken care of, she looked at me and said, "Steven, you are going to learn a lot of things the hard way in life."

Looking back on it, I see three major lessons I can learn from this story. The first is how to be compassionate even when you are frustrated. The second, listen to warnings from others; if you are being warned just take a second to look at your actions. The third, if you want the attention of somebody, don't be shy, ask for it.

The first lesson comes at the hands of my mother. She had to have been more frustrated than imaginable with me when I continuously ignored her warnings. Even when she told me not to come to her when my foolishness came back to haunt me, she was still there. Part of being a good leader is being more concerned with the well being of others than yourself. My mom, out of frustration, could have easily ignored me, but instead she helped me and made sure I was okay. Now, this can easily be overlooked and disregarded as a mother just doing her job, but imagine if everybody looked out for each other. Or even worse, imagine if my mom hadn't helped me. I would have no longer viewed my mother as somebody I could go to for help when I messed up. Just a small amount of compassion can go a long way to build meaning in a relationship. As a leader it is up to us to be somebody that can always be counted on for help. A leader is somebody who can't solve all our problems, but can help us overcome our problems.

The second lesson comes at the hands of my own stubbornness. We aren't invincible no matter how much we want to be. That goes for all aspects of our life. All because we get away with something a few times does not mean it won't eventually get us in trouble. If a person or group is warning you it won't hurt to slow down and take a second to analyze our actions and where they are really leading us. This doesn't mean we need to change our actions with every warning. My mom could have told me not to use the stairs at all, but that wouldn't have made sense because if I took my time I could have made it up and down the stairs safely every time. Listening to warnings is more about understanding the limits of your own power and capabilities. As a leader we need to constantly review what we are capable of and what we have to the power to influence and what is beyond our control. We also need to be able to listen to others and learn from others' experiences. Being a leader does not mean your way is always the right way. It is impossible for us to experience and understand every experience in the world, so don't be afraid to take the advice of others and don't be afraid to know when you don't need to change anything.

The third lesson comes from the way my mother always gained my attention as kid. If you didn't notice, every time I quoted my mom talking to me she always said my name before actually speaking to me. She gained my attention and made sure I knew she was talking to me. Sometimes, as a leader, we want things to be done but never make sure we have the attention of the right people before we take action. Don't be shy to grab the attention of a person or group. Say their name, make sure they know you are talking to them. Make sure they know that your actions are in attempt to achieve a goal with them. Don't speak without making sure you have the attention of your intended audience; it is a waste of your effort and energy.

Even the smallest things such as tripping on the stairs as a little kid has a multitude of lessons to be learned. The brain is incredibly efficient, it doesn't remember something unless it carries some significance in our life. It is up to us as leaders to figure out what we were intended to learn from the experience and apply it to future situations we may face.