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Kids: The Calming Peace and Complete Chaos

Warning: This may be a long story! But it's worth the read. I cried while writing this, thinking of all my struggles with motherhood.

Kids, ya love 'em, then you also hate 'em at times too. It's kinda of a love/hate relationship ya know? One minute they can be Heaven's God-sent angels and then another minute they are the spawn of Satan himself. They are so lovable but they test you. And make you realize how much you can hate being a mom in moments. Motherhood really sucks at times. 

However last night, I had one of those "Motherhood really, really, REALLY fricken sucks" nights. I got my kids back from their dad, so typically they are a bit fussier than usual because the adjusting is difficult. Well, neither child decided to go to bed until AFTER MIDNIGHT! Yeah guys, that's right— neither child went to sleep until 12:35! My two year old was constantly climbing out of his bed, and my 3 year old was just downright refusing to go to sleep. The reason? God only knows. Oh, and not only that, but both have flu-like symptoms and I am also sick. Real swell isn't it? Motherhood is SO glamorous. 

After putting my son back in bed for the 5th time at 11:15, I went back out to the living room and laid on the couch, hoping and praying like crazy that they would go to sleep. So, here I am on my couch watching TV and fell asleep, only to be woken up at 12:30 to the world's naughtiest giggles.  Not only were both children STILL AWAKE, the light was turned on, and my son was in my daughter's little bed laughing with her, having the grand ole' time of his life with her playing Pat-A-Cake. Don't get me wrong, looking back now it was sort of cute and it makes me laugh a little bit. But at the time I was thinking, "Okay, these little shits better get their butts to bed and quit being little assholes." That is actually something I think on a daily basis with them. Since we are all being open and honest right now. 

So they finally go to sleep, next thing I know I am unable to sleep because I am coughing and tossing and turning all freaking night! So I got my bum-ass out of bed, rubbed some VICKS on my chest and under my nose (OK it seriously worked though), and got back in bed and finally went back to sleep. Still didn't sleep very well though. As a matter of fact, both kids decided to wake up 2 more times through out the remainder of the night.

Then my alarm goes off and I am thinking, "Oh, sweet baby Jesus please have mercy on me today, Lord give me strength to do thy will today and not murder someone." I think I hit the snooze button 1 or 2 times, maybe 5. I don't really know, lost track. I finally got up and got dressed. After the sleepless night I just had, I, very much and inevitably, look like a mombie. As I am getting ready for work, my little boy runs into my bathroom in nothing but a diaper. Looking like he just woke up and all Doe-Eyed and at that moment, oh-so-sweetly adorable. He was too cute for words to explain. Naomi, my daughter was still asleep (HALLELUJAH), that little girl needs her sleep or she is one grouchy 3 year old, I swear. Anyways, as I am standing in the kitchen talking to my grandmother who babysits while I am at work, I am also watching Levi, who is still in a diaper because he doesn't want clothes, watching TV. I must say, he had the sweetest and cutest little smirk on his face while he watched his cartoons. He may not have slept well but he was such a sweetheart this morning. It didn't take much for me to walk over and pick his little body up and cuddle with him for a minute. 

When I got over to him, I bent down to pick him up and he lifts his little face up and gave me a kiss. UGH!! That melted my heart. I woke up in a bad mood but that changed it instantly. He is definitely a mama's boy.

So at this point, you're probably thinking something like "Oh my gosh, this lady just rambles on and on," or "Okay, where is she going with this." 

Well this is where I am going: If you ever choose to have kids, remember, they are the greatest, yet most challenging gift, you will ever receive in your lifetime. They will teach you so many things. They will bring so much joy to your life and make you realize you never knew love until they came along. 

Motherhood is my greatest accomplishment. My kids are my greatest achievement. They will be my babies forever. Yeah, there may be some, okay MANY, challenging moments like the one I started with, but then you will also have those special moments like mine this morning. They become the calm in your storm. They're like the cream cheese to your bagel in the morning. At this point in my life, with everything I am currently dealing with emotionally, mentally, spiritually, daily—THEY are the one thing in my life that makes sense. They are the reason I can get up in the morning no matter how deep my depression and my anxiety are. They are my happiness. In those moments of sheer chaos we face in every day life, the idea of Motherhood as a whole, including the good and the bad moments, it just makes sense. It makes so much sense to me, that I don't even know how to explain it sometimes. It has taught me the ability to show so much grace to not only myself, but to other people in my life as well. It is incredible. 

So, for all my new mommies, or mommies-to-be, remember that in those sleepless nights, those chaotic moments, the tears, the sweat, the pain, and the heartache, it is worth it. Motherhood will open up a whole new world to you. It will teach you so many things, even things you never knew about yourself. You live and you learn. And it will be your greatest accomplishment too. 

Much love my mamas.

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