It's Alright Mama

"You're so lucky that you get to stay home with your kids all day." "It must be nice not having to work." "I wish I could sit around all day." The many comments women hear when they decide to become stay-at-home moms. It truly can be a blessing to be a SAHM. You get to be there for every moment of your child's life. From the first smile to the first steps, there is a lot to be missed if you're not with your little ones all day. Being a SAHM isn't the luxurious lazy life that a lot of people dream of, however. It can be incredibly stressful to be in this self-imposed isolation, especially for first-time moms and women who are used to working or going out often. Some women are SAHMs out of necessity. With daycare costs becoming increasingly pricey, many families choose to have a stay-at-home parent in an effort to save money. People who assume that SAHMs are lazy clearly do not understand the financial toll this has on a family that previously had two incomes and the physical, emotional, and mental toll this role can have on a mother.

Many SAHMs have little to no contact with other adults on a daily basis because toting little ones around and being responsible for them in public can be really stressful, especially if you have multiple little ones to take care of. Leaving the house is no longer a simple endeavor and requires planning and patience to get everyone ready at the same time. Grocery shopping with little ones is a mother's nightmare.

Finances can also play a part in mothers staying home because it is much cheaper to feed little mouths at home than buy everyone meals while out and about. Factor in possible tantrums and your lack of sleep, and the thought of going out and mingling with the public can be overwhelming.

Because of that overwhelming thought of taking little ones out, many mothers choose to stay home and try to get housework done. It can be a struggle, though, when the kids are fighting or crying or when the baby wants to be carried all day. You can feel like you're just not getting anything done. Sometimes hours are spent cleaning the house just to have the kids make a mess seemingly ten seconds after you finished picking up. This can leave you feeling frustrated and hopeless, especially when your partner comes home to what appears to be a still-dirty house. Your partner may make what seems to be an innocent comment or ask what you did all day, not realizing that you did the housework and took care of the children all day just to have the little ones make a mess like little ones tend to do.

Even in this modern day, SAHMs can still feel a pressure to be the perfect housewife. If the house isn't clean and dinner isn't hot and ready, it can seem like you didn't do enough that day or that you failed your partner because you're the one without the job and so you should be the one to take care of the home. Don't worry mama. You are doing great. A supportive partner will understand that it isn't always possible to have a clean house and a hot meal, but what really matters anyway is having a healthy family and a happy home.

Maybe you just want to relax instead of clean or make sure the kids aren't fighting or painting the walls with mac and cheese. Relaxing is a luxury that many SAHMs just don't have time for. Children, especially babies, need a lot of attention, and trying to get them to leave you alone for any length of time can be borderline impossible. You might also feel guilty for taking time to relax. Are you paying enough attention to the kids? Should you be picking up and cleaning the house? Does dinner need to be started? Is it selfish to want a few minutes alone? It's alright mama. Take the few minutes you need to breathe and unwind. Being a SAHM is a very mentally and emotionally involved job. It is better to calm down and relax when needed than to be impatient and unintentionally snappy to your little ones because you'll only feel worse if that happens.

Remember, those little ones won't be little forever. It might be hard right now to deal with the tantrums, tears, and messes, but being a SAHM is totally worth it all. Money comes and goes, but as long as the bills get paid and your family has what they need, you'll make it through. There are days you'll want to rip your hair out and wish you were at work instead of home just so you could get a break from the kids and speak to other adults, but then there are those days when you realize that you wouldn't trade your kids for anything in the world. Your home doesn't need to look like it was staged for HGTV and dinner doesn't need to be Gordon Ramsay approved. Just love those little ones while they're still little and remember that you're doing the best you can for them by giving them all the love and attention little ones need.