It Killed Us All

Never did I think I would be standing in the room with my older cousin, no soul, just the body of someone I grew close to. 22 years young and so many goals he had yet to achieve. I get that it is a part of life and everyone passes at one point in their life, but never did I ever think that a beautiful soul, an amazing person would have gone like this.

I remember that day like it was yesterday, it replays in my mind every single day. I will never get the image out of my head. It's the last memory I have of him. The last time I got to see the one I had always looked up to. My manager had come to me and ask if I had talked to my mom and I had said no, he turned around and said, "Give her a call and you can leave if you need to." I was confused but I did what I was told. Not in a million years did I think that anything like this would come out of her mouth. She answered and said... "Can, your cousin Kyle passed away today." I felt everything in me fail, no tears, just felt empty. I quickly grabbed my stuff and ran to my car. Slammed my hands on my wheel and just started to cry, wondering why it had to be him. I questioned god, no answer. I knew what he had wanted. I knew he had better plans for him. He needed him more then we did. But at the time we had all felt as if we needed him more down here on earth with us. I had worked 45 minutes from home and I don't think I have ever wanted to be home more then I had that day. I just wanted my family. I wanted to hug them and never let go.

A piece of my heart is in heaven. It flies high and watches over every single one of us. Everyone questions me all the time on how he past. It makes me beyond sick to think of it. "Heroin overdose" is the only words that come out every single time. To many it's not a disease, but to me it is. It made a disease out of my family, it killed every single soul. Nothing but emptiness lies within us. Empty race car, unanswered questions. I have so many things I wish I could have asked him. Many things I wish I could do over with him.

I feel him. I feel his presence. I feel his pain, the lost soul that couldn't find itself. No matter what he did he couldn't shake the devil. I remember his last words to me, "Make sure you get treated right, know I always love you and will always have your back." He wasn't just a cousin, he was a brother I never had, the brother I wished I always had, now he is my angel. A guardian of my family, god needed him up in heaven more then he did down here on earth. I thank god that he took him when he did, he'd still be in pain, he'd still have the devil in him. I have a guardian angel. My guardian angel is my cousin, my blood, my forever family and I pray every day that he leads me down the path I have been searching for for so long.

Rest in Paradise my beloved cousin.