It Doesn't Get Easier

Blessings come in many ways. For me, one major blessing is that I was able to have my grandparents in my life into my forties. I know many people can’t say that. They say losing someone that you’re close to gets easier as time passes, but I don’t believe that to be true. Your life just changes. My blessing is having grandparents for as long as I did, and my three kids were able to make some memories with them.

The first ten years of my life, I spent with my grandparents. Both of my parents worked so we spent our days on the farm. The memories that flood me. So many fond memories with them. When they passed away I felt like a piece of me went with them.

Watching them age was just as hard as it was to lose them. My grandma had cancer for many years. When I was in my mid-twenties she had a tumor removed that was the size of a soccer ball from her stomach. They took as much as they could but had to leave a small portion. She underwent chemotherapy, but it didn’t work. They then put her on a pill to stop the growth of the tumor and spreading.

This worked for a little while but drug was still in the experimental stage. Once it was approved to no longer be in the experimental phase, the medicine became very expensive. Now, to be honest, my grandparents could afford it, but they didn’t want to spend the money. My grandma began breaking the pill in half. I can’t say it was all bad for her to do that because it caused her to have a dry mouth and put sores in her mouth. I sometimes wonder if her health didn’t begin to decline because of that pill.

Not only did she have the tumor, she got breast cancer a few years before she passed away. They did remove one breast and do some radiation. It seemed that cancer was out to get her. Right before she passed we learned the tumor had spread throughout her stomach and would continue to spread. She passed away with her family beside her August 15th, 2012.

Grandpa was so lonely without her. He would see her image around the house. He lived another two years. One year after grandma passed, he had a bleeding stroke. He was on blood thinners which we think caused it. After the stroke he went to rehab and then walked with a walker. It was hard to watch a man who was so strong, become frail. When there were long distances to walk, he was in a wheel chair.

The last year, it seemed he willed himself to die. Although he hated the walker, he used it. For some reason on a Thursday, he placed the walker against the wall in the dining room and walked into the kitchen. He fell. He hit his head on the handle of the stove which caused bleeding on the brain. I will never forget the phone call I got at work.

Mom called and said get to the hospital, grandpa’s fingers are changing colors and the nurses said he’s modeling. I remembered those words from just two years earlier. This was all in August. He fell August 14th, 2014.

They sent him home on August 15th with hospice. I wasn’t ready for this. In the same spot that my grandma’s hospice bed was, was the same spot they put grandpa’s bed. The family all went to the farm that night. I brought groceries to make spaghetti. I made grandpa a plate and he ate a few bites. I had hope. My spirits raised some.

I left kissing my grandpa on the cheek and said I’ll see you Sunday and told him I loved him. I didn’t get to go Sunday. August 16th, 6:00 am I got the call. Grandpa is gone. He was one day short of passing away on the anniversary of when grandma died.

I still can’t get over them being gone. So many days I want to pick up the phone to tell him about my day. Whether something good or bad happened, I always called. I still have their phone number in my cell phone. I refuse to take it out.

I will say going to the farm isn’t the same. When people say that it’s not the structure that makes a home, it’s the family in it, it’s very true. The farm doesn’t feel like home anymore.

Cherish your moments with your family and make memories. The memories are one thing that can never be taken from you.