Introvert Mom

Let's be honest; if you've stumbled across this article you must be in the same or similar position with your kid. I'm an army wife and mother to a handsome 2-year-old brown boy. My husband and I both have Master's degrees, work decent jobs and are enjoying watching our little one grow. The issue is, mommy is an introvert... kiddo is an extrovert.

Let me give you a little background on me. I am the middle child in my family. My older brother was ten years older than me and as he neared age 16, decided to live with his dad who'd never married our mother. That left me as the only kid in the house. My younger brother is 15 years younger than me so I was actually more of a second mother to him than a big sis. Needless to say, growing up as the only girl, and essentially the only child, in the house for years had its perks but also a few drawbacks.

My mom is one of the strongest women I know. She's basically raised children her entire life. She had my older brother at age 16, then me ten years later, then had my younger brother one day before her 41st birthday! I couldn't even fathom having a kid past age 35, so 41 is like "Yeah, just go ahead and take me out back and shoot me." We all have different fathers, which now looking back seems a little taboo, but growing up it was just the way it was. Nobody was treated any differently and we were family either way.

She was a talker. I remember going to the grocery store in rural MS and standing around waiting for what seemed to be a lifetime while she chatted with old friends and classmates from school. Everybody she saw, she greeted with a smile and a "Hey, how are you?" I didn't understand it. She didn't know some of them. Why bother? I admired and loathed her ability to meet anyone and strike up a conversation. I'd stand there glaring at these strangers thinking, "What do you want?" or "She doesn't even know you."

I had long, beautiful jet-black hair. They used to call me the little Indian girl (yes, I know that's not PC right now, but this was small-town USA and that's really how it went). People would walk up to us and start stroking my plaits and telling my mom how beautiful my hair was. I'd just stare at them...withdrawing back into my defensive state. I continued this behavior until I reached middle school. I started to take notice of attributes I liked about myself and started opening up a little more. Would you believe I actually even became a cheerleader and played basketball? I got into school government, student council and numerous other organizations. I always was a high achiever in class so I was a shoo-in for almost anything I wanted to do.

Through high school and college, I continued on the path of involvement and met some incredible people. I thought for once I may actually be an extrovert now! I'm not withdrawn, I did enjoy my time alone but I was energized and felt comfortable in crowds and meeting complete strangers just like my mom. It was during my time in TX that I started to notice some of my old habits begin to creep back into the back of my mind. I started to feel like anything I did would be noticed; if I gained weight, lost weight, coughed in class, started to exercise, showed up at a football game. All these things constantly plagued my psyche and I began to withdraw once again. I finished up my Master's degree and moved back home to MS from Texas.

When I moved back to MS, got my first real job in corporate human resources, I felt like I was hitting my stride again. I had a job that I enjoyed and that I felt made a difference. I'd re-connected with my husband who had been a long-time friend (and had tried to get me to date him since high school) and before I knew it, we were pregnant, engaged, and married before we knew what happened! This wasn't a shot-gun wedding but it damn-sure was its close cousin! As our new little bundle grew and his personality was revealed I started to wonder if he'd be more reserved like me or outgoing like my mom, "Mimi."

This year, at age two, it's been really telling of the type of person he's shaping up to be and I have to admit, it scares the shit out of me. As he grew, we started taking him to the nearby park to play in the evenings after school and on weekends. I'd sit and watch him get so excited to see new kids arrive at the playground to play. He'd walk right up to them, no matter how big or small, and introduce himself. "Hi! I'm Wyatt!" as he points his thumb into his little raised chest. He let them know right away who he is and that he's down for some play-time. I laughed the first few times because I'm wondering, "He knows everybody at school so where did he learn this skill?" As the weeks went on, I started to see it each time. He'd walk over to total strangers, introduce himself, then start off on an amazing journey with them as if he's known them all two years of his little life. By the time the day is over, and parents start packing up their kids to go home, Wyatt is standing in the front of the playground crying and screaming for his new best friend to stay with him. Usually, the new friend ends up crying too and its the hardest thing in the world. Not because they're crying, but because I'm not comfortable enough to ask the other parent if they'd be interested in another set playdate. Who does that? Do people really do that?

I felt guilty the first few times. Usually after a good day at the park, he'll talk about the park for the next couple days. I have to hear about the little girl or the little boy he played with that week and how he wants to go back. All the while, I'm trying to figure out why is it not enough to just go home and play alone? That's what I used to do. That's what I enjoyed doing. If not alone, maybe with my close cousins (keep in mind I was the only kid in the house for quite some time). I thought he'd grow out of it. Little did I know, he would get even more outgoing.

Wyatt has a bad set of ears. If you saw him, you'd notice his slim frame, his big brown eyes and a huge set of ears for a little fella. It's cute and all, until he had to have two different set of tubes in his ears for drainage. This condition sent us to the ENT (ear, nose and throat physician) more times than I'd care to remember. During his most recent visit this year, we arrive at the clinic about 15 minutes early, sign in, take a seat near the door to the back offices and have a short wait time before we're called. Since I know he gets antsy while waiting, I figure I'm being the proactive mom by bringing along his latest LeapPad tablet. He starts getting wiggly and I hand him the tablet. No, ma'am. Wyatt sees people in this clinic that needs his energy and he's about to give it to them.

He softly nudges the tablet back to me, "No, I no want it." Surprised, I relent and go back to drowning out the silence in my phone. He sits quietly next to me for a second then slides out of his seat. Immediately the two white ladies sitting across from us look up from their phones to notice. "He's so cute," they say smiling at him. I say thanks and instruct him to get back in his seat. He's smiling because they're smiling at him now. I'm thinking, "Oh, shit. Here we go." He slides down out of his seat again and walks right to one of the ladies again. She has her legs crossed and he rests his hand right on her knee. I cringe. BOUNDARIES, BOY, BOUNDARIES!! I call to him again to come back and get back in his seat. The lady is still smiling and even asks him his name. Of course, he sticks his little bird-chest out and points his thumb toward himself declaring "I'm Wyatt."

Shit. Okay, now what? Do I have to be the asshole mom that forces the kid back into his seat as a nice stranger is talking to him because I feel like he's invading her space? Or should I smile nervously trying to gauge if the woman really wants to talk to him or not? I go back and forth in my head trying to figure out what to do. After a few seconds of silence and I notice the lady reverting back to her phone, I tell Wyatt to come back and sit once more. He dropped his head, came back and picked up his tablet. This time he tries to impress.

Just as both ladies were getting back into their phones and magazines, Wyatt turns on his tablet and switches it to music mode. In this mode, the "keyboard" turns into a music player with each touch of a button. He presses one button and the alphabet song starts playing. He sings along loud enough for everyone to hear him all while looking over to see if his new audience is paying any attention. The ladies look up and honestly looked impressed that he could say them all and complete the whole song. When he finished, he raises his eyebrows and smiles as they "oooh" and "ahh" over how smart he must be. Of course, I've heard him sing that song more times than I could name so I didn't bother glancing up from my phone but responded with "Good job, buddy."

After that, I'm wondering what the hell is taking so long. They never make us wait this long. Just as I'm beginning to get a little weary, Wyatt slides out of his seat again, walks over to the same lady and tells her "I'm Mickey Mouse," while pointing at his Mickey Mouse-themed hat. This was one of those 25 degree weather mornings so I'd bundled him up with his long wool coat, a Mickey Mouse hat and Mickey Mouse mittens. She admires the cheap little hat and tries to go back to reading whatever's on her phone. He chirps up again, "and Mickey Mouse gloves." She looks up again, acknowledges the mittens and returns back to her phone. At this point, Wyatt then draws her attention to his shoes, a red and black pair of high-top Jordan's. Nothing special but he knows most people notice them when he wears them. She tells him they're nice shoes and returns back to her phone. She starts to ignore him but he doesn't care. He stands there shifting his weight back and forth and fidgeting till I give him the look and make him sit down.

At this point, I'm drained. I've constantly been trying to decide what I should do about the kid and he's just going on about his business whether anybody pays any attention or not. At that moment I began to be inspired by him. I just looked over at him and smiled because I realized that he doesn't let people's actions or lack thereof define how he feels. If he wants a friend, he will seek out a friend. If they are interested, then he's successful. If not, it's okay; it doesn't change his mood at all. I realized that would've crushed me. If I'd put myself out there as he'd done and didn't get back the attention I wanted, I would have questioned everything I possibly did wrong. "Why didn't they like me? What did I do?" Sometimes it's not necessarily something we did or didn't do that's the blame, it's just the other person. Maybe she just didn't want to be bothered (and I could definitely understand that). Maybe she was dealing with something internally. The reasons are endless but what I appreciated was his resilience to continue being himself regardless of the feedback he received. That taught me a valuable lesson that day. Move to the beat of your own drum; even if nobody else wants to dance with you.