I Thought Staying Pregnant Was the Easy Part

All I have ever wanted in life is to be a parent.

This is a common aspiration of many women, from little girls, teenagers who are just beginning to go through puberty, to young adults. While many girls do go on to have children, some don't, and some unfortunately experience child loss.

Child loss is something which is deeply personal to me, but that is rarely discussed in wider society. It is a fact of life that people never imagine happening to them, yet upon getting to know people, one finds that a far higher percentage of people have suffered a miscarriage than you might have initially thought.

This was the case for me and my partner. After suffering two instances of child loss, the more people who found out, the more often we would hear people opening up about their experience. As I found, talking about it made me feel far more comforted. Being able to communicate my feelings with someone else and be understood was extremely cathartic, and took a load off my chest.

The subject is rarely broached by someone who hasn't been through it personally, understandably because they fear upsetting people who have suffered through it. Then there are those who have actually experienced it, who often feel like they can't talk about it for fear that they may be accused of lying, exaggerating, or because the pain is simply too much.

These issues must be set aside in order to allow the recovery process of the victims. Women who have experienced a miscarriage are exposed to emotions such as guilt, bereavement, and anger. They also suffer physical symptoms, such as cramping, bleeding and clotting.

Men also feel guilt, bereavement and anger, in addition to having to watch the mother of their child experience these mental and physical pains, without being able to do anything about it.

I feel there needs to be more discussion of the subject, so others don't feel alone.

During both of my losses, I found that I couldn't find the words to say to anyone, yet I was also struggling with the pain.

I desperately wanted to talk to anyone, and everyone, just to meet someone else who had been through the same. I wanted to feel a connection, and share experiences.

I yearned to hear someone say exactly how I felt, and be reassured that being envious of pregnant women isn't out of the norm. However, I found that it was far harder to engage in this discussion than I feel it should be.

Miscarriages are discussed in one extreme or another. It is considered a taboo as it is very upsetting, yet will be the butt of a joke in a film. Although I understand humour is a coping mechanism, there must be a middle ground in which the topic can be discussed seriously without anyone feeling the need to censor themselves.

All in all, I think that it's about time we wrapped up our fear of talking to people about this issue, and mental health issues in general. Talking may not work for everyone, but knowing that someone is lending an ear may very well be the difference between life or death.

Statistic surrounding miscarriages:

• 1 in 4 women will miscarry

• 3 out of 4 miscarriages occur within the first trimester

• 1 in 100 women experience recurrent miscarriages (Three or more in a row) and more than 60% of these women go on to have a successful pregnancy.

• Miscarriages are often not due to an underlying issue within the mother, but are more likely to be a chromosomal abnormality within the foetus.

If any of these issues have affected you, there are many services available to offer help:

The samaritans: 116 123

The miscarriage association charity: 01924 200 799

Written in association with Grayson Lee.

Statistics based on UK research.