I See You

“She’s your mom, you just have to forgive, forget, move on” “but she’s your mom” “you have to forgive her, she’s your mom” “you can’t hate her, she’s your mom”

And countless more. I see you. The one who’s been hurt by their family countless times. I see you. I see how your family tries to put you down on how you want your wedding, while they tell you why it won’t work for them. I see you, girl who’s mom just called eight times to curse you out because you moved away. I see you, girl who cries in the corner because of the things her mom said to her, I see all of you.

No one ever allows you to be angry, to be hurt, to really let go of the feelings you’ve been harboring for a lifetime toward the people you are supposed to love, supposed to forgive, supposed to keep in your life. Everyone thinks that somehow being family gives you the right to verbally abuse, assault, and manipulate the people in your family because they’re the closest ones to you and therefore can’t leave. That they will always be there. Or that they didn’t mean it. But what happens when they do mean it? Or that their “I’m sorry’s” are always followed with “but” or “but you did x,y, and z”? Somehow being family gives you this free pass to forgiveness. So, you forgive them because they’re your parent, sister, brother, etc...because you’re supposed to. But I’m here to tell you, that you don’t have to. You don’t owe them anything. That thing your mom said about raising you, that’s on her:

You owe her nothing. Blood means nothing if the only thing you use it for is an excuse.

When she lashed out on you because she spent all of her money and needed yours, that’s on her. You owe her nothing.

Families are there for love and support. Not a fall back option when you get greedy. Not a punching bag when you get angry. Not back board to throw your most toxic verbal assaults on....because I’m not rubber, and you’re not glue...you’re spitting bullets and fire here. When families take on the persona of the demons that haunt you, let them go. You owe them nothing.

The most important part to remember about this is it is OKAY to leave your toxic family members behind. It is OKAY to move forward and to forgive yourself for it. It is OKAY to be happy regardless of what they think. And if you need confirmation, this is it, I’m giving it to you. Be happy. Move forward with or without them. And believe me they will let you know. They will tell everyone because they want that confirmation that they’re right. They will want people on their side, you don’t even have to say anything. And that is just what toxic people do.

If you’re in a bad relationship people tell you they’ll make you feel bad, they’ll make you feel isolated, they’ll take your money, they’ll make you feel like it’s all your fault, they’ll try and control you. Well, being a member of a family is not different. Your family shouldn’t control you, you are not their property, you are not their maid, you are not their pet. You are not their income for your siblings. You are a person. A human. An individual. You deserve family that lifts you up and that loves you as much as you love them. Surround yourself with people who love you. The worst thing in the world is surrounding yourself with people who make you feel alone. And for the love of God, stop forgiving everyone in the world but yourself.