I Found Myself When I Quit My Job

I would never personally suggest women return to a 1950s lifestyle. I can only imagine the horde of women marching up to my door with torches and pitch forks demanding my head for that one. Women have strived for decades to earn an equal footing in the working world with men. Before a year ago, I would have laughed at the idea that somehow, giving up my 9 to 5 job might give me a more fulfilling life. In fact, I probably would have been the woman supplying the lighter for the torches.

We are basically programmed from the beginning to believe that we can have it all; the career, the family, the home—this golden life that comes all wrapped up neatly in a bow. Not only that we can have it all, that we should have it all, and if for some reason we don’t, we are somehow defective. We have fallen short of some grandiose divinely given potential. Don’t even get me started on the expectation that come once the treadmill starts running. It’s exhausting, the running, and really, what is it all for? I would love to ask the question that I believe women all over the country fear to ask themselves: “Am I fulfilled? Am I happy? Does this existence bring me joy?” Undoubtedly, many have asked it.

Jumping Off the Treadmill

I really don’t want to climb on top of a soapbox. I merely I wish to offer up an alternative to what many would call a midlife identity crisis. If you aren’t happy, then what is it that would make you feel more fulfilled? The great lie of our rat race society is we can do it all. We are only human. We can’t do it all and we shouldn’t expect that we should. How are we supposed to find peace when we can’t find time? Our lives are so overbooked, overscheduled, and the older our children get, the more overscheduled we get. I myself was at a breaking point. My marriage was crumbling, and my children were lost in the chaos of our life. I wasn’t the wife I wanted to be, and I most certainly wasn’t the mother I wanted my children to know. I was miserable, and it was affecting every area of my life, but more importantly my own mental health. I couldn’t find the peace that I so desperately needed and wanted. Then, in flash, the solution came to me and my husband, bless his heart, was in complete agreement. I needed to leave the job that was eating my soul and my time and feeding me very little in return. With what seemed like more gumption that I normally possess, I walked into my boss’s office and said that I was done.

“OMG! What the F*%K Did I Just Do????”

My first feelings were ones of euphoria. Followed very quickly on its heels by sheer panic. What kind of kerfuffle did I just throw my family into? I had of course talked it over with my husband prior, but only just. It just sort of came to me, and my husband, who had not so secretly hated my job for years, readily agreed. Now came dealing with the logistics. A smart person would have dealt with that part first (but I’m not claiming to be smart) and not acted quite so impulsively. My husband and I hastily worked out (and continued randomly over the next year) our financial situation. Not great, but not impossible. He determined with a bit of belt tightening, cutting back, and consolidating our bills, we could make it work. Still, my gut told me that this was the right move for me and my sanity.

I Found the Bottom of the Laundry Hamper

One of the chores I hated the most when I was working was laundry. I think we can all agree that laundry is a universally loathed, mind melting household task. I just couldn’t seem to get ahead of it. I never ended. Just when I had finished folding the last piece, I would turn around and find the laundry hamper full again. It made me want to pull my hair out. That was just the tip of the iceberg. It used to frustrate me to no end the mess my family could make. It really made me the very worst version of myself. I was trying to be this perfect parent and it was just dragging me down. I would come home from work and spend the next 3-4 hours running around in a half daze, helping with homework, refereeing, trying to put something to eat on the table, and bedtime rituals. The whole ordeal stripped being a mother of all its joy. I felt lost in this endless list of responsibilities.

Suddenly, I realized that I was not only able to finish all the laundry in record time, but I was able to tackle other projects that had been hanging over my head. I couldn’t believe the time I had to complete everything. I was able to greet my kids when they came home from school with everything I need to accomplish behind me and my attention completely for them. Our evening rituals became much less flustered and we could all enjoy each other. It was the very thing I had craved as a parent. I was finally able to enjoy my children and, to be honest, myself. I wasn’t this cranky matriarch trying to bend my family to my will.

A Second Honeymoon Without Having to Leave Home

A peacefulness spread through our household. I had never realized how much my own attitude fed the overall emotional environment of our home. I found joy in the free time in the evening to devote to my family and really focus on them. I was no longer exhausted, and I could give my husband and my children my full attention. My husband and I were able to find time to sit on our back patio and enjoy a beer and each other’s company. It was something that strengthen not only our friendship but our entire relationship. It suddenly occurred to me that we had been living as roommates for a long time and I had been oblivious of it. It was the shot in the arm our marriage desperately needed. We made our relationship a priority again and began planning dates and finding delight in spending time together, like we did when we were young. We began to explore new hobbies together and our relationship flourished. Our new financial position propelled us to become a team. We worked together to cut back on our bills and save money. I felt closer to my husband than I had felt in years. I felt that same camaraderie that we had in our early years. We loved being together and found ourselves falling in love all over again.

I Become a Pinterest Mom (Not Kidding)

I used to laugh whenever I saw that meme on Facebook: “All these Pinterest moms are making soap and reindeer-shaped treats and I’m like, 'I took a shower and kept the kids alive.'” It was so true. In the early years of our relationship, I spent hours doing all sort of arts and craft (I also had a no kids and part time job). Deep down, I realized that I miss having my own personal hobbies. Cooking had not been one of my hobbies. But I had this dream that when I was a mom, I would be this stellar cook and create amazing food to feed my beloved family. The reality of it was once I became a parent, cooking dinner became one of my most loathsome chores. Coming up with a different meal to feed my family every night that wouldn’t take hours to make was nothing short of a nightmare. Needless to say, we ate a lot of quick-prepared meals like pizza, spaghetti, and the meals weren’t spectacular. Forget baking.

Imagine my own surprise when I suddenly realized, “holy crap, I can cook… really well.” I had, overnight, suddenly turned into Martha Stewart. I not only did I have the time to come up with unique meals, but I was pushing the boundaries of my creativity with cooking and baking. I found, to my own astonishment, I loved cooking and I was relishing the creative process of coming up with meals my family loved. The holidays were my favorite place to let my creativity flow and I now had the free time to decorate and make all sort of holiday crafts with my family.

A Simple Life is a Better Life

When we cut back on our spending and really took our daily lives into account, we recognized that we were so caught up in having nice things and spending money was almost an addiction. We found that life was a lot less hectic when we weren’t caught up in having the latest and greatest of everything. Simplifying our life and the trickle-down lesson it gave our children helped us focus on what was important. Our children learned the value of money and were able to appreciate it. My family’s entire train of thought towards money, materialism and quality time changed dramatically.

We collectively realized that money cannot buy back your time; once it’s gone, it’s gone forever. By slowing down our life and the pace we lived it, we were given a new appreciation for the things that really matter in life. We found a peace that we just could not obtain while I was running in the rat race. I realized that all the frustration, depression and anxiety I had felt for so long was due to me fighting against myself and ignoring what I really need, what my family really need. I was suddenly the mom I had always wanted to be. I was the woman I envisioned when we decide that we wanted to have children. My years weren’t racing by me. I was able to enjoy everything, on my own terms. That’s how life should be lived.