I Don't Want to Be a Mother

I love children just as much as the other person but the older I get, I'm settling into the idea that I might just be the fun aunt. I was raised in a very traditional Caribbean household where children are a must. I was the third of four children. My two eldest siblings already have children and I'm at the age where it's socially expected to start a family. But I STILL have reservations and here are my reasons:

1. I don't like change.

My partner and I are in a great point in our lives where the intimacy is good, the communication is good, the freedom is just where it needs to be; and sad to say, a baby changes that. Just on the intimacy front, I'm big on that... and it doesn't even have to be sexual intimacy but just the closeness of cuddling does it for me. You can't cuddle through the night with a newborn. They're cute to look at, great to love and nurture temporarily (then give them back to their parents) but a newborn is not gonna press their chest against my cold back on these winter New York nights. Another major change that comes with parenthood is the suppression of your freedom. At this present moment, I'm planning a girls trip to Miami with my friends. It was very last minute and very low budget but it's still so freeing being able to randomly plan that trip without having to worry about who will keep the baby. Still, on the point of freedom, people say kids don't hold a family together but I beg to differ. I have to be very careful with who I choose to have a child with because as much as I love my partner at the moment, if the day comes where I have to choose my happiness over keeping the family together, I don't know if I'll be able to exercise my freedom to choose when kids are in play.

2: Kids GROW INTO TEENAGERS.

My nephew is as cute as they come but at one year and three months, he's forming his personality and becoming very opinionated about which cartoons he likes and which adult plate he wants to eat out of as opposed to his baby bowl. The only saving grace is that he can't talk as yet. So his attitude is not as bad because he has no words. I cannot imagine him with this attitude, a voice, AND PUBERTY! I don't know if I will be able to handle that. Maybe parents were born superheroes or maybe it's a skill set that you acquire after having kids, but I don't know if I can be graceful in the face of a defiant, opinionated teenager.

3: My children will possibly be like me!

I'm all about self-love but I'm not sure I can handle a mini version of myself. I was a riot growing into adulthood! I rebelled against everything my parents stood for because I felt like the only way to form my own identity was to rebel against theirs. I've always been strong-willed and stubborn, and with karma being a bitch, I might very well get a double dose of myself in my children. Some days I feel like I will be a more understanding parent because I've been there so I'll know how to handle a teenager like myself... BUT SO WERE MY PARENTS! They were also teenagers but they grew into conservative, restrictive parents who weren't the best at handling a teenage daughter. And I honestly doubt myself and my ability to resolve conflict and handle opposition from a life I feel entitled to mold.

4: It's a lifetime commitment.

Until the day I die, my children will forever be my children... I will forever be mom. Being a mother seems to be beautiful but I'm sure that there are days when even the best mothers in the world, don't want to have to show up and be present as mom. I still have not wrapped my mind around being that constant force in someone else's life forever. That's a huge responsibility. As old and fertile as I am, I just am not ready to commit to NOT BEING ABLE TO SLEEP IN again until that child becomes self-sufficient.

If you are a mom, kudos to you! Let me know if it's as bad as I'm thinking.