How to Cope with the Death of a Loved One

With April coming up, it has been nine years since my dad passed away from a tragic automobile accident. It's not been an easy nine years. Some days are worse than others, especially around the holidays. That's when it seems to be the hardest.

What I do that seems to help me with the loss of my dad is: I will usually look at photos of him and just flood myself with my happiest memories. I have so many of them. Like, for instance, I used to ride on tractors with him. I used to help him fix cars, trucks, and the tractors at our house in the shed when I was a kid. When my dad had decided to haul camper trailers across the US and Canada, I used to go on those trips with him, especially in the summer. I would help direct him towards the campers while he was backing up and I would help check the lug nuts on the campers to make sure that they would be good and tight. I have been to so many places. I have seen so much in my life from going on those trips with him. Like when I was supposed to be staying at home for three days when I had my bottom wisdom teeth surgically removed, I went on a Kentucky trip with him because, when my mom would have been working a lot, there would have been no one home to be with me and look after me, so my dad took me with him. I was around thirteen years old around that time and now that I am in my 30s, all I can do is look back and smile, all while thinking, I remember that so well. I loved that my dad would do things like that with me. My dad had told me not to tell anyone at school that I had went with him, because I was supposed to be at school, but the dentist had given me a note to return to school within three days. My dad didn't want my school to think that by me going with him on that trip, that I was playing hooky, which I wasn't. I was on pain medicine and in a lot of pain. I couldn't really eat anything solid without it hurting. This was just a little bit of what I used to help me get by.

With that being said, when my niece and my oldest nephew would ask me what their grandpa was like, I told them what he was like. I love being able to share my memories with the kids. That was something that my dad would do when it came to his memories of his dad from when he was a kid and into his young adult years. I know that my grandpa was in World War II; that he was a gunner in the front of the line for the army. That was something that, when the men came back from the war, they shared with their sons and not their wives. That was something else that my dad had shared with me. That is another memory that was added to mine. That memory is something that I wasn't there for when it was told to my dad, but I was there when my dad shared that memory with me. So that memory is what was being shared with me that was also a memory that my dad and I were making at that time; making a memory within a memory.

I loved my dad very much! Just last year, a good friend of mine lost her father. She knew that she could turn to me to help her out with that, because she knew that I had lost my Dad, I knew what it felt like, and how I dealt with it all. Friend's are another way to help cope with the pain, because even friends sometimes know what it's like just because they have been there, or even the fact that they grew up with you since you were a young child and your dad was like their's, so they understand why you feel like you do because they feel the same way. After so long, they still have those memories that you have created with them around your dad, so they will also look back and think that those were good times. How does one really cope with the death of someone that they were really close with? I think that answer is easier said than done, because with each passing year that goes by, it doesn't really get better. You just learn to accept it. You just learn to keep going. Coping with the death of a parent, grandparent, or just a loved one, is never easy. You don't want to let go or want to move on overnight. With that, it just takes time. One really good way to cope with it all is to just surround yourself with family and friends. I am not going to lie, the last nine years weren't easy for me and my sisters, because we have never stopped missing our dad. There are times that I wish that he was still here. Unfortunately, what I have are pictures and memories. What I wouldn't give to see my dad again.