How To Avoid Having a Stepdad

Kobi's father left us when he was 2-years-old. His father went god knows where, to do god knows what, with god knows who.

That left me as a single parent with a 7-year-old daughter and Kobi, who was potty training.

Potty training was harder than I thought it would be, because I was unable to actually SHOW Kobi how men pee. All he knew was mom pees sitting down (because at that age they constantly 'need' to interrupt you in the bathroom and there is no privacy. Ever.)

Then I met Eli, who was in his late 30s. He was attractive, a hard worker, and I fell hard for him. When it was time to meet the kids, things went seamlessly, and they just accepted and loved each other instantly.

One day, we went to eat at a Red Robin restaurant. It had been a long day of shopping and I was exhausted. As soon as we put our orders in, Kobi had to pee. "Let me take him," said Eli, seeming to genuinely not mind. He took Kobi's small hand in his big, bear-paw hand and they headed to the bathroom. It felt so nice to have another half of a parenting unit, if only for a moment.

When they returned, Eli was 10 shades of red. "He's never been in a men's room has he?" asked Eli. I realized that no, Kobi hadn't been in a men's room, because all he had was me, and I just took him to the women's room with me. I told Eli that no, he hadn't.

Apparently, my potty-training, almost 3-year-old son had walked right up to a man using the urinal. He enthusiastically and genuinely told the man "Good job, buddy!" Urinal man was baffled. Eli was mortified. I laughed until iced tea came out of my nose when they returned to the table with Tales From the Men's Room.

And so began the war between Kobi and any potential suitor. If he could embarrass them or run them off in any way, he would. When Eli didn't end up working out, and I began dating seriously again, we had another interesting experience at the hands of my son.

The first time they met, Kobi looked him right in the eye and asked him with utmost seriousness whether he was going to be his new dad. Point-blank and blunt with a straight face.

When we were alone in the car later, Kobi broke into the most joyous peals of laughter. By this time, he was 5-years-old. "I think I got rid of that one, mom! Did you see his FACE??!" He was thoroughly amused with himself. We all ended up laughing all the way home.

I never heard from that man again.

I am now 35. My daughter chose to go live in The Land of No Rules and Boy Sleepovers at my ex-husband's house, because she's 16. That's a whole 'nother story, my friends.

I am now 35. Kobi and I share an apartment. He is 12. He is happy and well adjusted and he uses the men's room alone now. We still haven't met the man who will be our perfect fit, but we've had some good laughs along the way.

At night, when I tuck Kobi in, he looks at me with those huge green eyes, and fervently says "Kobi and mom versus the world!"

Yeah, buddy. It's you and me versus the world. And I wouldn't change it for anything. He makes a great man of the house, after all.