How My Daughter Changed My Life

Dear Babygirl,

Dear Babygirl,

I want you to know that your entire life, I've tried every day to be nothing but perfect for you. I never wanted to give you the chance to see that I made mistakes. You just mean so much to me, I just wanted you to look up to me and think, 'Wow, mom you're perfect, I wanna grow up to be just like you.' I didn't want you to see me as the woman that gave up on everything, because that's who I really am. I never wanted you to know that. All I wanted you to know was that I loved you. I love you more then anything in this world. I was 16 when people found out I was pregnant. They all said, "You're too young to take care of a baby." They said I was making a mistake. You are far from a mistake. At age 16, the only thing I thought about daily was suicide. That didn't stop until I got to hold you in my arms. I remember the day clearly. I was in the delivery room for 13 hours. I thought I was going to hate myself more than I ever had before, but there you were, 9 lbs. 9 oz. Big and beautiful. I had never seen anything as beautiful as you. All the weight I felt on my chest just lifted. For the first time in years, I felt happy. And that was because of you. My whole life I had fought with depression. I felt that I had nobody. When I gave birth to you, it was suddenly gone. It felt as if I could breathe again. I knew that the feeling of loneliness would be gone forever as long as I had you. You saved my life. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't be here right now. You gave me hope. You gave me faith. You made me realize that everything silly little thing in life isn't worth dying for. My whole life I looked at the things that made me want to die. I never thought about looking at the things that made me want to live. I never appreciated your grandpa and grandma. I never appreciated the opportunity to be the best me I could be. I looked at the sadness in my life and put it in the spotlight. It wasn't until the day I had you that I started to notice all the little things I had. I started to notice all the people that were in the hospital waiting for you to arrive. All my friends and family. Even the people I had thought hated me came. You showed me what love really felt like. You showed me greatness from the second you arrived. I knew from that day forward you were going to do great things. As you've grown, I've been here. I love watching you advance each day. I love hearing each word you learn. I watched you take your first steps. Your first run across the yard. I heard the first word you ever spoke. Just from watching you exceed in life I had realized how much you're going to accomplish. You're going to go from the girl that changed my life, to the girl that changed the world. There are so many things I wish I could explain to you how much you have changed my life for the better, but there's honestly not enough words in the world to let you know how you saved my life. I hope you understand that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. There's not a thing in my life that I would ever change. I wouldn't change anything before or after I had you. Four years ago I never would've thought I would be out living on my own with a family. I never would've saw so much happiness in my future. Everything I am now is thanks to you. Without you I wouldn't have this joy in my heart that will always be there. Through the good days and the bad days. 

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How My Daughter Changed My Life
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