How Can Scheduling a Weekly Family Meeting Aide in Your Family's Success

I get it. You are a single parent with a jammed packed schedule. Between working one, maybe two, jobs outside of the home, driving the kiddies to their various activities, and trying to stay on top of daily household chores, you may already be feeling swamped or overwhelmed. So, why on earth would I be asking you to consider adding a weekly family meeting to your “to do” list? Well, holding weekly family meetings is a brilliant way to establish your family’s unique household management system.

I guarantee you that adding this tool will reduce conflict, improve communication, and help you get ahead of any problems that may arise. The most challenged families learn to come together as one when they implement a weekly family gathering. It is one of the first things I help my clients implement when we begin working together. Weekly family meetings have a myriad of benefits.

During your weekly meetings, you can create or update your family’s mission statement. Your family’s mission statement is a living document that embodies the values and goals for your family. This mission statement will be the guide to show family members what behaviors are acceptable and unacceptable. It will establish what is important to you and your family and assist with creating steps to accomplish the family’s goals. The family’s mission statement should be created by the entire family; everyone is involved. This will secure ownership of the mission statement and increase everyone’s desire to see that the family is thriving. Once it is completed, hang it where everyone can see it each day.

To help you get started, start by answering the following questions:

• What are some activities that your family enjoys doing together?
• What are some areas that you need to change?
• What words would outsiders use to describe your family?
• What words would you use to describe your family?
• Name three goals you would like to accomplish as a family, in the next 30, 60, 90 days.
• What are the three core values that are important to your family? Ex. Respect, education, community service, obedience, humility, creativity, religious beliefs, love.

Your final mission statement may look something like this: Our family believes that we should be respectful of each other and obedient to the rules of the household. If we make a mistake, we will not be afraid to admit to the error and accept the consequences. We will participate in community service at least once per month so that we share our gifts and talents with others.

Your family mission statement will help you to set priorities, promote positive discipline, and allow you all to hold each other accountable when someone steps outside of the lines. Your family’s mission statement will change and grow as the children get older, or as gaps become apparent.

Holding weekly family meetings will give the whole family an opportunity to sync your schedules and update the family calendar. Your family calendar should reflect every aspect of your family’s life. Include due dates for bills, after school activities, dental and medical appointments, visitation with the non-custodial parent, family meetings, family fun days, and vacations and holidays. As a single parent, you do not want a school holiday to creep up on you, leaving you without childcare.

It will also give you all an opportunity to check in on the goals that you have set for your family and examine areas that may require additional attention. One parent that I worked with found it difficult getting the children to school on time. It had gotten so out of control that the principal called the parent and warned that if the children were late again, she would have to call the Department of Children and Family Services. No parent wants to be investigated for educational neglect. During the family meeting, I asked one question: do the family ’s morning and evening routines need to be changed?

The answer from the parent and the three teenaged children was a resounding yes. They worked together to create a morning and evening routine that was sustainable and agreed upon by the entire family. Not only did the children get to school on time, but the parent also found time in the morning to work out and get to work earlier, eliminating the need to stay late to complete tasks. Subsequent family meetings helped them to check in on their progress and tweak the routine as needed. It reduced the stress in the family and increased their family bond. This allowed their communication level to soar.

Family meetings should be fun; this is your time to check in with each other and get a jump on problems that may be brewing at home or at school. Have the children write down their concerns before the meeting, and make sure that everyone understands the rules. But, keep the rules simple. 1. No speaking when someone else is speaking. 2. No making fun or belittling other family members. 3. We are here to help each other and be supportive. It’s a great idea to write out the rules and post them for all to see. You can add them to the family mission statement poster board or create a new poster board. This way there will be no misunderstanding about what is expected during this family time.

Your family meeting can be formal or informal—the design depends solely on the wants and needs of your family. A good rule of thumb is to keep them between 30 and 45 minutes. This will help everyone to stay focused. One tool that I have found really works for parents is posting a sheet of paper on the refrigerator marked agenda. Everyone in the home can then add topics that they would like to discuss. Also, if you would like to teach or improve leadership skills, have a different child lead the meeting each week.

As you can see, weekly family meetings are beneficial. I want to give you five tips to ensure that you are holding a collaborative and productive family meeting:

• Schedule your meeting at the same time each week so that it becomes part of your family’s routine.
• Hold your meetings in different places: a park, library, your favorite restaurant, or even riding home in the car. The point is it does not have to be at the kitchen table each week.
• Make sure that everyone has a chance to speak. You can accomplish this by using a timer or a talking stick. Both are visual cues that only the person who is currently speaking should be talking, and everyone else should be listening until it’s their turn.
• Have someone take notes of the meeting or record it on your phone. This will ensure that task assignments, consequences, and promises are recorded for the official family record. You can refer to the outcome of the family meeting if necessary.
• Family meetings are mandatory. No one should be able to opt out of attending.

The first time you decide to hold a family meeting could be a little disconcerting. But I promise that the more you hold them and the more the children see the benefits, the better they will become. Family meetings will give your children more of an incentive to do the right thing. Your weekly meetings will be your secret weapon as a single parent to stay in control of the family without over using timeouts, harsh words, or punishments. One final tip, schedule family meetings as needed. If a problem arises before the weekly scheduled meeting, call an emergency summit to address it. Do not let it continue to get out of control.

Peace!