Heartbroken but Grateful
Things I'd Say to My Late Brother if He Were Here Today
Beautiful. You were beautiful. Light would burst through a room when you were in it. You had big brown eyes and a wonderfully warm smile. Everything made you laugh, even when you weren't doing so well. I remember mom would sit you in between her legs and we would all play ball, we even played hide and seek, sometimes the family dog joined in! I would read to you and play school. We really had a wonderful short childhood together. We would hang out in my room and listen to music and talk, you mostly listened.
Your laughter was contagious, those dimples were so cute. We even had the same freckles on the tops of our ears. We were inseparable. We had a great staff of nurses that took care of you around the clock. Oh, the clock, how I wish we had more time. I wish we had one more hour or even five minutes. I'd tell you so much. I'd tell you mom misses you so much and how she cringes when she's asked how many kids she has.
She looks at me and says "well her...and I had a son."
I would tell you about your niece and your nephew, and how my son looks just like you. He even has the same little dimples! I know you would be the best uncle ever. We would go on so many adventures! I miss you and my heart will always be broken. To lose a sibling, that is a life experience I never want to go through again. You were just such a strong person given the hand you were dealt. You were just 14 when we said goodbye. Life is so short- I would give anything to live in a moment with you again. I miss you so much. Going to tell you something is now a thing I do in my car on my way to work. I hope you're there hearing me.
You taught me so much about life. I learned that laughter is the best medicine even in the darkest of times. You saw the joy in everything. You loved family, family was everything to you. Visit’s from Papa where your absolute favorite, he made you laugh and you brought so much joy to his life. You also taught everyone to accept what cannot be changed and just roll with the flow. Nothing was certain or set in stone with anything that came along with knowing you. We weren’t sure how much time we had with you since the day you were born. We got so much time more than expected and it was a blessing.
Mom was a great mom to you. There was nothing you missed out on. She made sure you went on every family trip no matter the dentation. You attended every family event and did everything she could get you to do. Mom loved you so fiercely. You were so, so loved by her. Mom fought alongside the nurses for anything you needed medically, she advocated for you when your voice needed to be heard. She was the glue that kept it together when it felt like the world was falling apart.
Pete- you brought so much joy even after your death. You kept mom and your favorite nurse so close together. Your memory is never forgotten and neither are you. I think you were put here on earth to show people how to love and live life with a happy heart. You were not meant to be here for long- but you left such an impact on the people around you. You were the greatest blessing that ever got to be. My heart is heavy but it's so full of love and memorable moments that we all got to share and I'm grateful.
About the Creator
Amanda DeGrasse
I love to write short stories. I am a lover of horror, fantasy, space, and Aliens. Writing has always been my outlet and a place to escape from real life.
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An open letter to my mom
Dear Mom I was thinking about who my hometown hero was and the only person I think of was my beautiful mother. I often wonder, where I would be if I didn’t have you? It is something I don’t ever want to think about. I call you often, I call you for everything, to tell you about my day, then I call you to bitch about something. You and I have a special bond, one like no other. You see, you were mom and dad. You made up for the part that didn’t exist. The part that hurt the most. You taught me to overcome everything. You were a single mother with a severe handicap son and daughter. Nothing stops you, ever. You carried on, you taught me to carry on to. You taught me how to keep on going when it really probably felt impossible for you some days. You never once complained about your situation. When my brother would land in the hospital for weeks or months on end you made the best of it. You took me to important meetings when it came to him, you included me and made sure you knew, I knew what was going on. It was so important to you that I was included. We were a team; we were a team lead by nurses who became family. I cannot recall you ever being negative about the hand you were dealt, you smiled and pushed forward. I am sure you cried alone in the shower or in the dark when nobody was around. You were dealing with such heavy things ALONE. My father was not there for one thing, not one., he left you and us to figure it out on our own. Somehow, I don’t know how, you never said one bad thing about him. If I said something mean or negative about my father, you would always say, “hey he’s still your dad, and you need to be nice.” He wouldn’t show up when he was supposed to visit with us, and you just made the situation so manageable. You would somehow make up for it. You were good at making magic happen when me and my brother were little. You advocated for me all through my school years, I was on an IEP and struggling with math. You watched me crumble because of a stupid state test I was having an issue passing. You stood by me and held me up when I was ready to walk away and just get my GED. You and my papa (your dad) had more faith in me then I had in myself. You took us on vacations and made the best memories. You made Christmas so special for us that I believed in Santa until I was 12. Who can say that- me? Yes, yes, I can. You have instilled “do the right thing” in my brain so hard that I have been able to slowly forgive people and move on. Moving on is hard, and it can be my downfall. We have always been close, and always will be. On the night my brother passed away, our bond grew stronger. I was the one that was there for you, you needed it more. You were caught in the sorrow of losing a child. You were trying to be so strong for me, and I think in same weird way my brother. I watched you try and stand so tall. I was so glad that I had you and you had me in those moments. I have children of my own and you are the same women to them as you were to me. I catch glimpses of you as you were when you were younger when I was little. It makes my heart full. I makes me thankful that my son and daughter get to have you as I did. The sparkle behind your eyes and glow in your skin is something I love to see. I often wonder to myself if we didn’t go through Hell if we would be where we are. You are such a special kind of person. When I look at you, I see courage, kindness, compassion, and love. I hope that I grow into the women you are. I cannot thank you enough for all you have done for me and my brother. I love you mom.
By Amanda DeGrasse2 years ago in Families
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