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You start your family with the one man you saw your entire life with. What happened? Why are you now the everyday statistic single mother with a dead beat child's father? Or maybe you are a single mother with an amazing father but you both are better off as friend? What ever your situation may be, you are now a single mom going through heartbreak just like me.
You went on a few dates and it just clicked! He was funny, charismatic, calm, handsome... everything you have been looking for in a man to start a future with. After you decide that “Hey! I really adore this man! I want a relationship with him!” You start to feel that old familiar stir in your stomach. You feel like you are 16-years-old again about to get your first kiss. He makes you laugh, and blush. He makes your heart race so fast you feel as though you are about to have a panic attack. Everything is going perfect! This is it! This is my husband!
Then BAM! Life hits you once again! Something happened to cause a gap between you both. You start to argue, and disagree on things. Everything starts to fall out of place. But he still gets you! He still has a tight hold on your heart and you pray to God that this won’t end, that you can work through all your differences because you would do anything to fix this. To make it right again. You would give him your life forever no matter how angry or sad he makes you. You want to feel what a family is again. To have that emotional stability in your life. After all being a single mom, it’s not something we eagerly leap to be. But he doesn’t want to continue on. He thinks you are unhappy but you tell him that, this is by far the case. You want to work through things and make it right. You need this so badly. You refuse to make let this go!
If you are like me, you have trust issues. But so does he. What does it say when you are not so trusting of him, but are willing to keep moving forward? Is that a red flag? Or is it something you need to follow through with? Something you need to continue on with and work through with each other to make your relationship stronger? He told me that he can’t do it anymore. Told me that I will be happier. Pfffft! Happier is not the word I would use. I feel as if this is his easy way out because he has already found my replacement. But maybe that’s jut the trust issue monkey on my back once again. I find myself feeling empty and alone once again!
I thought he really meant it when he said he loved me. But now I am crying, my heart hurts so badly. Funny how when you are heartbroken, it feels as if your heart is literally hurting. That’s how I feel. I feel wide awake but as if I could sleep all day. Shaking from the anger that I am so easy to let go. I am a wonderful mother, and I am a... WAS a wonderful girlfriend who did put forth all the effort and energy I had left inside of my exhausted body. My soul is crushed. Shattered. Cold. I can’t even think of dating anyone right now. I just want to disappear for a while. But I have kids to tend to, laundry to fold, dinner to cook. A mother’s job is never done.
It was hard enough being a single mom trying to even work a boyfriend into this equation, but I took that chance because it felt so perfect. Now I’m stuck being a single mom with no boyfriend to call or late night texting. Life is very cruel. Maybe one day I can learn to get this love thing right. As any normal person, I continue to think; “what is wrong with me? Where did I go wrong? Why am I so easy to let go?” But in the end, the other voice whispers... “you have so much to give, you still have so much love left. You have survived heartbreak before and you can do it again. If he can let you go, you can let him go.”
We are amazing moms. And yes! Our lives are quite a hectic mess trying to be everything for our children and yet still be enough for ourselves. In time I think that man is out there. We just need to breath, focus on our kids, and most importantly learn to love ourselves.
..... this too shall pass.