Having Children and Pregnancy Shaming

*** This is about having children, a very serious topic, and I don't want to leave anyone or any group out of this. Please know that I'm not trying to leave anyone or group out, I just don't have the capability of making this article less controversial by adding gay parents, lesbian parents, or any other type of relationship or religion. This would be extremely long if I did. No matter who you are or what type of relationship you're in, having children is a HUGE life decision. Please don't hate me for not adding all the relationships in here. You are included!***

Pregnancy is an incredible experience. Growing a little human inside of a larger human. Having a buddy with you all the time. Crazy emotions and cravings. It's pretty complicated and sometimes dangerous. And the ending result is pretty complicated as well. Pushing that human out after waiting 9-10 months. Feeding, raising, and taking care of a baby.

In those 9-10 months you will have a lot of people talking to you about your tummy and who is inside of it. People have good intentions, I'm sure, however it can come across as rude and insensitive. Being a checker shows you how people really are. Some people don't even say hello, others ask how we are, and some people talk on their phone and don't even pay attention to what we're saying. Checkers see and hear a lot and customers don't notice.

A couple years ago a young mother, in her early 20s, came through my line with WIC. WIC is a program for women, infants, and children. It helps out families that don't have enough money to get everything they need, it's a really strict program and checkers have to pay really close attention to what they can and cannot get. I don't remember the mother's name but she was really nice, she was about 6-7 months pregnant. Had everything in order and ready for me, made everything easy. WIC can be really difficult to ring up due to the specific quantities and brands. There was a horrible couple behind her laughing and snickering at her because she had WIC. Not only did they make this mother feel incredibly uncomfortable and embarrassed but they made fun of her pregnancy because she was young. This couple was in their 40s and made comments to each other like, "Wow the government is letting anyone get food stamps these days," and, "In my day women waited until they were married to have children."

At that point not only was I angry for this mother but I was upset that these people were judging this woman based on an outside glance. I was completely out of line but I stopped this woman's long order, looked at the couple and said, "Excuse me but I need you two to leave this woman alone and get out of my line. There is no excuse for your horrible comments to and about this mother. Who cares if she has WIC, at least she's getting what she needs for her baby. You're being extremely rude and making her uncomfortable and embarrassed and there's no reason she should feel like that." They were shocked and said they weren't leaving. I told them I would not ring them up and I got their stuff and moved it out of the way. There is no excuse for shaming mothers or expecting mothers. Sometimes protection doesn't work and people do what they think is best based on religion and anything important to them. Don't judge what you don't know.

Having kids is such a big life change and decision. I don't know how people just decide they want kids. So much has to go into that decision. Money, renting or buying, family, religion, jobs, food, schooling, and just so much more. Every little choice matters, being a parent was already terrifying, add in all the little things and it's even worse.

Since I was about 13 years old I've known that I don't want kids. I want to travel, drink, have a messy house, be my own person, and not be tied down. Many people can argue, successfully might I add, that you can travel while having young kids. In fact, I've seen it done. However, you cannot tell me that it was easy. Packing for one person can be hard enough without having to worry about forgetting a special blanket or toy, then the whole trip is ruined. When I say travel, I mean anywhere at anytime and you just can't do that with children. You can't pick up and leave when you want to go to Spain or New Zealand. I could probably deal with it anyways, if I wanted kids.

I don't want kids because I don't like my genetics. Depression runs in my family and I've had such a hard time with it. I would smother my child with so much love and worry that they would hate me. Overly protective. That may seem silly, think about it though. Do you really want your kid to have the same struggles as you, or worse than you? No, you don't. And you can't know what your kid is doing 24/7. Unless you're tracking them, in that case you need some therapy, that's verging on stalking.

Another reason is that I would rather adopt than birth my own. There are so many children that need love, attention, support, schooling, and a nice comfy warm bed where they feel safe. I would rather give all that to a child in need, then ignore them and make my own. Way too selfish for my liking. Adoption may be a different type of difficult, however the outcome is still the same. Raising a child the best way you can and giving them a home, comfort, safety, affection, someone to help them through life. Not everyone has that and I'd like to give it to a kid in need of it.

Don't get me wrong, I don't hate kids. I love the kids in my family and the kids I used to babysit. It's just that I don't think I would be a good parent to my biological kids, not only that, I love the idea of adopting instead of biological children. If I have any at all I'd love to welcome a wonderful kid into my home, when the time is right, and giving them what they need. A bed, good food on the table, new clothes, school supplies, everything they need plus love and affection. I just don't see the point in having biological children when there are so many kids in need of a family and home.

People forget that just because society says one thing is normal that doesn't mean you have to follow suit. Really think about what you want your life to look like when you're 35 or 40. What you want, not what your family or society wants. Recently, I've been using my social media to spread my opinion on this, that most people care too much about what society and family tells them to do, they forget or don't even think about what they want. Everyone is afraid of offending someone else. There is a difference in having a good debate or discussion and destroying someone's opinion with condensation and harmful come backs. Keep it respectful and there shouldn't be a problem.

Thank you for reading and remember that what you want is the only thing that matters. Society, family, and friends' opinions only matter if it's something you want. Put yourself first!