Having a Miscarriage

At age 20, I experienced something I never wish I would ever experience in my life, losing a child. So I am going to give you a back story on what happened.

So I met this girl from Tinder and we got talking the first night I met her we ended up sleeping together and seeing each other a few times a week, we lived a 20-minute train journey from each other plus another 10 minutes each way for a taxi.

We ended up breaking up after a good few months I cannot remember the reason for it. A month or so later, I was at work on the toilet (yes, we are going that in depth) And I see her name pop up on my phone; obviously, I haven't spoken to her since we broke up, so I answered thinking it could be important. (Never ever leave someone you used to have a past with in case it's the last thing you do)

She is crying down the phone so I asked, "What's wrong, do I need to leave work and come and get you?"

She replied, "No."

Then paused for a good 30 seconds and told me she was pregnant. I was so shocked and confused on how this had happened and went into full panic mode and had a look on my face which was described as fellow work members said "Theo looks like you've seen a ghost" I went outside the staff room grabbed one of the girls I was close with took her to another room and told her and asked her what she thinks is best to do (I am against abortion unless you have been raped, if you were silly enough to not use protection, you should own up to your mistake and have that child; if you cannot support the child, there are millions of people in the world that would love to have a child and cannot have one, so if you can not support the child, you can at least think about adoption.)

She also had panicked and told me she was thinking about an abortion and told me to have a look how much it is going to cost, (we didn't know it was free on the NHS.) But she came to my house the day after so we could have a talk about the situation. We got some paper and went over the pros and cons of the situation. (I cannot remember them all by heart, but I know there were more pros than cons.) I explained to her my feelings against abortion and she said she needed time to decide what she wanted to do because end of the day, the male does have a right in whether the child lives or doesn't. If you're a female and say it's my body, it is my choice, you also have to remember how your actions can affect the male. (Don't do anything behind their back and then tell them after the damage is done, will get to that later in the story.)

I and a couple of friends decided we wanted to go to Thorpe Park for the day so off we set early morning we had a good day and enjoyed ourselves. At this point, everyone knew I was going to be a dad, including my first girlfriend, who was part of the group.

So we get home around nine o'clock at night and start to drop people home, just leaving my friends to their houses. My phone turns itself on whilst charging in the car and the first thing that happened when my phone turned on was a phone call from my ex-girlfriend. She was asking me to come home; I was confused and said I won't make it to her house in time, but my mate offered to drop me off, which she followed up and told me I needed to go to my house because that's where she was and she needed me ASAP.

I get outside my house go into my living room and see she wasn't downstairs.

So I asked my family where she was, my mum replied, "She is upstairs."

So I ran upstairs, opened my door, and said, "What's happened, are you okay?"

Looking at her face, I knew something wasn't right.

Then she started to cry, looked up at me, hugged me, and said, "I lost the baby."

I cannot even explain the feelings that went through my head that night when I heard those four words and the worst part about it was she blamed herself. I didn't know what to do with myself I undressed her put her into bed and went downstairs looked at my mum and told her the heartbreaking news. (My mum already knew because she had told her when she came to my house.) That was the moment I broke down to my mum for my friends to phone me up and ask for their stuff, which when I went outside to hand my friend her clothes, she asked me straight if everything was okay.

I just said which a pale look, "We lost the baby."

It was as if I had died and didn't have any feelings towards anything.

Now my first girlfriend was actually the person to tell my parents that I was going to be a dad after a friend picked me up she was also in the car and he wanted to know before everyone else. My first girlfriend knew exactly what I was going to say. I told him and mid driving at about five miles per hour, she opened his door and got out the car. Storming off crying, we followed her for a good five odd minutes and then lost her around my estate. We leave and head to the spot where I have got everyone gathered around. I let them know what is happening and that I was going to be a dad, mentioning my first girlfriend had gotten out the car and had most likely walked to my house. Her friend phones her, and of course, I was right, she had hidden and waited for us to go to walk to my house. I get a call from my mate telling me that is where she is and she has told my mum. I go home and walk into my kitchen silent as can be where a few friends are sat and my mum standing there asking me if it was true. The reason behind my first girlfriend doing this was all because when we were together she had an abortion without me actually having any involvement in whatsoever, which had put me into a terrible mood. I then went back to where everyone was, and where my ex was to be asked if I would speak to her because she was so upset about the situation.

But the miscarriage was not far off from my 21st birthday. Which also hurt a lot, as 21 is a big birthday and it affected my mood. My child would now have been born and a good few months old.

Now, that is the story. How do you handle a situation like this at such a young age?

• You cannot bottle it up and hold it to yourself.
• Talk to someone.
• If you have social media, there are loads of people who have gone through the same thing and can help you handle the situation.
• You need to keep busy, keeping busy will keep your mind at rest and help you handle the situation better.
• Listen to music (depends on your genre of music.)
• Watch TV (I found it hard to watch anything that had a newborn in it and working at the same time and having no days off seeing people come in with there children made me feel utterly sick, so beware of what you watch.)
• The most important thing you need to do is take time off work because you need time to grieve and have time to yourself
• Go out with friends if they know about your situation they will put the effort in to keep your mind as busy as possible when they're free.

Thank you for reading this story and I hope this helped in any way whatsoever. I am free to give advice/support if needed, if you can contact me.