Hardships of a Single Mother

Everywhere you look these days, you will hear about how hard it is to be a mother. That a mother is special, and that we have the hardest job in the world. And it is true, we do. From the moment we learn that a life is growing inside us every mother is faced with choices; some are easy, others... not so much.

For single mothers, those choices start as soon as we see the result of the pregnancy test. Keep the baby? Don't keep the baby? Abortion? Adoption? Tell the Father? Marry the Father? Stay single?

All these questions fill the minds and hearts of single women who just learned they are going to be a mom, while still single. Some of those women are lucky and find a happy life with the child's father. Others choose a much, much harder path.

From the moment a woman chooses to raise a child herself things get harder. For one, having a baby isn't cheap, so she has to find help with that. Luckily there is Medicaid, which helps out greatly; some women have their family to also provide support them through this difficult time. Those who are extremely lucky the father will help too. For another thing, from the time we are little girls, we are all given dreams of how our life will play out. Some girls want to grow up and be a princess, or president, etc. Those dreams change once a child is involved. Now, instead of thinking about that cute guy you want to go out with on Friday night, you're at home figuring out how you're going to rearrange your life around a life you are not sure you're ready for yet. Working out a birthing plan, listening to the stories your mom friends and family tell you about their own labor experience and children. But in the back of your mind, you are incredibly aware that you're going to be alone, doing all those things.

All the things most women do with a husband to help, single moms do with little to no help. There is no one there to help set up a nursery, or handle bills while you take maternity leave, or change diapers, or take turns on sleepless nights when she is fighting both lack of sleep, hormones, crying baby, and feeling incredibly alone through it all.

The first time she has to leave her tiny baby to go back to a job she can't afford to take time away from to be a new mom is probably the hardest day in any single mom's life. And for the next 18+ years, those are the kinds of choices she will make every day. Job or child? Mom or employee? Longer shift or time with her baby? Sleep, or take that extra shift, or class?

For years, a single mom's entire life is taken up with balancing a job and being a mom. And having a job that tolerates frequent absences and having to work around daycare schedules is a challenge by itself. Let's face it, she doesn't have time to think about anything else, let alone that cute guy she would have gone out with in a hot minute before she had a kid at home.

And that is a choice that is probably one of the hardest to make: To open her heart to another? Her needs as a woman or the needs of her child for a father? Can she risk bringing a new man into her life? Any man who she dates is being weighed and judged as the potential father of her child. Where and when would she even go to meet someone who would be OK with the fact that she IS a mom, and that comes first?

To the single moms out there that are making these choices everyday, to the mom who is wondering if she is doing the right thing for her child: You are the heroes your children will grow up learning from. The road is tough and is thankless, but worth it.

Cheers to the single moms out there who are doing their best for their children. You are all superheroes to me.

~TG