Growth: In & Out

Is a four-year difference in age too big of a gap for some? Perhaps. Let's say in a perfect world that this is the absolute ideal age gap for all pairs of people: couples, parents, friends, colleagues, and even siblings. Eventually, something would break. The paradigm would shift and no one would be challenged, no one would be uncomfortable, and no one would grow. This is what has been on my mind lately.

My sister and I are 4 years apart and she is, currently, a senior in High School (yeah, I know). Without creating a complete rant of our differences, I want to open up the dialogue for fellow siblings to further self-evaluate their relationships with their own brothers, sisters and even cousins that are just as close.

A lot of us grew up in a time when it was in our nature to play outside. There was no choice! It was the law of the land, the daily ritual; to feed our minds with imagination and physical exercise all in a few jam-packed hours each day. I remember all of my cousins and I growing up together as children. This created an unbreakable bond... I had assumed wrong. I was so wrong, in fact, that in our present day, it actually brings me a slight pain in my heart. As teenagers, young adults, and full-blown parents, life has lifted the sheet of reality from our eyes! Some of the closest relationships that we, as children, developed are being withered away by who-knows-what.

Duty calls when rent is due. Therefore, jobs must be applied for. Talents have manifested in beautiful, ambitious dreams. Therefore, hobbies have taken up free time. Education has swindled us into believing that college is the only way we will get ahead in this capitalist world, so some of our population is even swamped in college classes to ensure the brightness in their future.

One day we look up and the light at the end of the tunnel is such a main focus that we have lost sight of our closest inspirations: our family.

I, personally, like to believe that not all family can be treated completely equal due to various factors.

First, we have our age. As many "old souls" are out there, including myself, some of us cannot deny that we simply do or do not get along with a few of our elders. This could be because of comparable backgrounds, generational scrutiny, technological separation, or even plain spite from those who have more experience on this Earth.

Secondly, we hold our own belief systems. This ties like a knot with our age groups when we consider the fact that our elders were brought in much different spiritual times. Our spirituality, as sacred or compassionate as it is intended to be, can be the very aspect of our family relationships that drives us away from each-other with the vice of judgement.

Lastly, we are different based on our lifestyles. When two opposing life paths cross, it seems like our pride gets in the way of us accepting our family. This is all a matter of what we believe is right or wrong. In reality, there is neither—only happiness that matters.

How many of us remember seeing our younger (or older) siblings with their first significant other? That was interesting... In the end we only wanted to them be happy and our protection over our loved one drove us mad trying to play Cupid over a situation that was not in our control. Let's face it, when we combine all of these factors into our relationships with our family members, sometimes it is inevitable that we will naturally grow apart.

It is painful to accept when one is at a transitional period in their life—like graduating high school or becoming a parent! Regardless of which stage we find ourselves or our family member in, it's important to discover exactly which direction is your spirit growing: In or Out?

If your spirit is growing in to your family member, the two energies are simply at a rocky clash that will pass with time and effort.

Inner Growth allows two people to sort out the storms in their own lives that may be causing aggravated friction. These frustrations are not [always] meant for the receiving party to attract. Depending on the receiving party's attitude or temperament, they may or may not react aggressively. Usually, one member of the Inner Growth experience is a passive, flexible, fluid, introvert spirit; while the other member is an attentive, feisty, firm, extrovert spirit. This holds balance between the two as they grow within themselves to solve their own life dilemmas. Time will usually blow over and they will become closer than they were before!

If your spirit is growing out of your family member, the two energies are not only at a clash but this rocky moment will likely ricochet into different directions. This can cause both members to drift in their natural life path as they were.

Outer Growth will cause the two family members to be short with one another or not speak for strenuous amounts of time. The difference in excitement will be noticeable to them and surrounding loved ones. Outer Growth can sometimes affect other family members relationships with cross favoritism, similar to a spider web of connections to a commonly used thread. If the spider, metaphorically, uses the same route of travel in its web, overtime, the other threads will grow weak and eventually break completely. This creates isolation and leaves other members of the family to be closer than previous ones... not always for the right reasons.

What can we do to reassure ourselves that our love for our family member will never fade?

I believe we have found our self-affirming question, family.

In conclusion, it is the universal issue of self love. How can one love anyone if they do not, first, love themselves? In both scenarios you read that the conflict was always about an inner storm within each person. Once the family member settled their inner storm, they could potentially return to the original love and still waters of the past. To move forward in any relationship, we must remember that what we hold inside will always weigh us down. Settle your storm, find your inner love, then spread that love to your growing family. In & Out.