Growing Up Without a Father

I grew up in a fatherless home. My dad had his "new family" as I called them. He pushed me to the back burner and forgot about me. A tremendous impact that I never want to feel again. Growing up without that dad role has given me so many challenges with guys that I've dealt with over the years.

You see, I have not been married nor do I plan on ever getting married. I have a daughter, and just like I expected; her father and I are no longer together. He lives about six hours away. However, he does call, and he does see her whenever he can. I never have and never will keep her from him. I loved my daughter's dad with all my heart. It just didn't work out between us. We were on two different paths in our lives. I've had my heart broken again and again and put myself in shitty relationships cause I know they won't work out in the end.

It took me many heartbreaks, bad sex, and horrible dating experiences to realize that I am not dating material. I gave up. I jumped from relationship to relationship not giving a shit about the outcome anymore. Now, I'm not saying growing up without my father created this dating monster. No, I'm telling you that my dad wasn't there to show me how a man should treat his lady.

Not until recently did I realize how a man should treat his woman! My recent boyfriend has been so kind and caring to me as well as my daughter. I am trying my best not to run scared or mess anything up because I like this one. How did I cope without my dad? He saw me on occasion; sent gifts for birthdays and Christmas. The last time that I stopped caring about my father was when he couldn't make it to my sixteenth birthday party because he had to "work." After that I was done, he was dead to me. I think our relationship after that dwindled. He had broken my heart for the last time. I used to be heartbroken about him never being around now I just get angry thinking about it.

He blames my mom for never being around. I'm sorry, but I see several divorced parents co-parent their kids. He was the coward who ran off to start another family when things got rough with my mom. He cheated on my mother and 17 years later cheated on my step-mom and is now married to his mistress. To me, he is pathetic. He's a cheater and a coward. I just had an inkling about why I possibly grew up hating myself; it's because he is a part of me and I hate him.

For the father's out there who are in your children's lives despite your relationship with their mother, I applaud you. For the father's who have full custody of their children; great for you! And to the mother's who have raised their child alone I admire you. I adore my mother every day for taking care of me and building me up to be the amazing woman that I am today. I don't know what I would have done without her in my life. She has always been my rock to lean on when things get tough.

Growing up without a father is tough. It sucks. My dad was never there for daddy and me dances, and he wasn't there to watch my first steps, or to heal my first heartbreak. I was never daddy's little girl. He missed out on so many things. I have concluded that watching me grow up has been his most significant loss. He missed out on being the father to this badass girl!