Foster Parenting - Not for the Weak of Heart

It was about 14 years ago that I saw my first foster mom. She was in her late '60s, retired, and had a four-year-old and a six-month-old. The baby was adorable and the four-year-old was hell on wheels. She complained about the baby crying and would just stick a bottle in her mouth and move on, never checking her diaper, etc. I was shocked that she was just so callous with these kids.

I heard story after story about bad foster parents, etc. I’m sure you have all heard some horror story about foster parents or agencies mistreating children. Then I met my first amazing foster parents! They had fostered over 100 children and over 30 of them still came "home" for a major holiday every year.

Then, I started meeting people who had amazing and heart warming foster stories and I thought how much I wanted to do that. As a single mom barely treading water, it was never really an option at that point. Then I finally hit this point in my life. I was able to afford to pay all of my bills and I could transition into a stay-at-home mom.

My husband was concerned and had a lot of questions, but we went forward into training. We learned a LOT of information. There was a lot of information we didn’t know. We didn’t realize how hard it would be to get to know kids on a fast pace.

For example, our first placement was two nonverbal autistic boys. They can’t tell us what they want, but they do communicate in their own way. We had to learn their language in a major way and fast to be able to meet their needs. We had to become teachers, potty trainers, speech and occupational therapists, and so much more. It’s a lot. But is it worth it?

I’ll be the first to admit there are bad days where I wonder what I was thinking and I worry that I can’t do this. I did that with my own children. I think a parent who never questions their ability may be the one making more mistakes in the end, but that’s just me.

They also never tell you how hard it is to give your heart to a child every day knowing that any day you could get a call that mom and dad are taking them back and they will be gone like dust from your life. You are left with photos and memories and prayers that their parents have truly fixed what needed to be done.

Between all of my foster parent friends, I can honestly say that there have been times I have cried for children I had never met and what they went through, things that you can’t even imagine a parent doing.

Overall, I wouldn’t change it for the world. Even though it makes me cry, I’d do it all over again! Yes, some days are hard. They are little and they are confused and they are hurting. No matter what their parents may or may not have done, it doesn’t mean they don’t still love their mom and dad. It’s so important that all foster parents remember that first and foremost. We have a lot of adventures in fostering behind us and so many more to go!